TODAY’S QUESTIONS
TOPIC 1: What would you write on a congratulations card for Sox manager Ozzie Guillen?
TOPIC 2: What’s your guess at the chances Paul Konerko stays with the Sox?
TOPIC 3: Should suspended receiver Terrell Owens play in 2005?
TOPIC 4: Stanozolol is an odd name for steroid. Rename it.
TOPIC 5: Were any of you recruited to play college athletics?
JIMMY GREENFIELD
Remember, it’s all downhill from here. Congrats!
The odds are 80-20 he stays. In a bizarre twist, the odds are also 60-40 that I’m wrong.
Sure, with any team that picks him up and declares, “He’s got a clean slate with us.”
“Jesus Juice.”
Depends. Is pocket pool a college sport?
PHIL THOMPSON
“You Go, Girl!” I still have those “Martin” cards I bought in 1992.
About the same odds that Jerry Reinsdorf’s wallet could double as a chastity belt.
The point is moot: He already has played himself.
“Shrinko de huevos.”
Only for my lyrical gymnastics. I taught Will Smith everything he knows.
LEO EBERSOLE
“You ruined my fantasy season by replacing Dustin Hermanson, but hey, don’t beat yourself up about it.”
My calculations show there’s an 80 percent chance he stays and a 50 percent chance he leaves.
There’s a place for loud-mouthed idiots, and it’s called “Around the Horn.”
“Graaahhhrrrrrraaaaaaaiiiiiieeeeeee!!!”
No, but I was recruited for several psychology experiments and got lots of free lollipops.
WHIZZER
Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you (flip card over), thank you, thank you …
Once my superstrength tracking beam is completed, he’ll have no chance of escaping.
No question. I’m thinking trumpet in a high school marching band.
“Stan.” It’s friendly, more marketable. “You’ll love Stan! Everybody loves Stan!”
Yes. Crew. The thing with the oars. I was the guy in the front with the snacks and the Walkman.
BAG BOY
A $20 bill. That’s not for you, sir. That’s for the Paul Konerko in 2006 Fund.
No idea, but here’s another $40. And some loose change. And my watch.
Only if it means we can stop listening to Drew Rosenhaus go on and on and on and …
“The B12 Bomber.”
No, and I sent videotapes to 50 schools. Apparently “Wiffle Ball” isn’t a varsity sport.
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