Would you invite this crew over for Thanksgiving? Really? You would? Oh, you were just kidding?
How incredibly cruel. E-mail us at redeyesports@tribune.com
TOPIC 1: GIVE KYLE ORTON’S FURRY NEW LOOK A NICKNAME.
JIMMY GREENFIELD: Fozzy Bear
PHILLIP THOMPSON: Teen Wolf
LEO EBERSOLE: Velcro Face
WHIZZER: Orton’s “Mug Rug”
BAG BOY: The Fantastic Fur
TOPIC 2: IS THERE EVER A GOOD TIME TO “FLOP”?
JIMMY GREENFIELD: Immediately after you “flip.”
PHILLIP THOMPSON: After taking a charge. Andres Nocioni likes to dislocate a limb, just to help sell it to the ref.
LEO EBERSOLE: Not unless you want a basketball scholarship from Duke.
WHIZZER: My butt falls asleep while watching “Oprah.” So I flop. What? What’s with the looks?
BAG BOY: What the hell kind of a question is that? I’d like to flop you in the mouth.
TOPIC 3: WILL ANY OF YOU STOP TALKING ABOUT THE KREUTZ-MILLER FIGHT NOW?
JIMMY GREENFIELD: Phil will. Because The Man got to him.
PHILLIP THOMPSON: Yes, it’s time to talk about Kreutz’s next fight: Pay-per-view vs. Russell Crowe.
LEO EBERSOLE: Yes, but under the Ron Artest Rule, I can bring it back up if they start promoting a new album by a girl group.
WHIZZER: Sure. So what’s the latest on that ridiculous Miller-Kreutz fight?
BAG BOY: What Kreutz-Miller fight?
TOPIC 4: WHAT’S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN CHICAGO THE DAY AFTER A BEARS LOSS AND THE DAY AFTER A WIN?
JIMMY GREENFIELD: The difference between baseball having amphetamine testing and not having amphetamine testing.
PHILLIP THOMPSON: All city bribes are half off! Who wants the Green Line?
LEO EBERSOLE: Local sports radio complains about Jerry Angelo instead of Kyle Orton.
WHIZZER: “Ain’t no sunshine when she’s gone, it’s not warm when she’s away, ain’t no sunshine when she’s gone …”
BAG BOY: After a win I actually go outside, experience daylight and talk to people.
TOPIC 5: COULD JIM THOME EVER REALLY REPLACE PAUL KONERKO?
JIMMY GREENFIELD: Only if Konerko was actually a washed-up, injury-prone lefty.
PHILLIP THOMPSON: No, but under the right medication, he could replace Carl Everett.
LEO EBERSOLE: No, seeing as Paulie hasn’t spent a lot of time on the DL lately.
WHIZZER: No, but I like him to play Tony Soprano’s long-lost cousin in Season 6.
BAG BOY: Sure, but only if he promises to give Jerry Reinsdorf another World Series victory ball.
