1. Mr. Freeze
I guess I didn’t realize it was going to be so cold this week. Unfortunately, my cat now is a doorstop.
2. Below zero
I don’t want to dwell on this, but the high temperature Tuesday is supposed to be 15 degrees. It’s hotter on the set of “Joey” right now.
3. Sunk
Some new discoveries have been reported from the wreckage of the Titanic–among them, the master copy of “Gigli.”
4. Ape wonder
Oh, my God, King Kong has taken over Times Square! And he’s not using conditioner!
5. Short film
There’s going to be a “Fantastic 4” sequel, but not until the summer of 2007, which is odd because I’m pretty sure someone could hash out the plot in 30 minutes.
6. Jolly indeed
A new study says binge drinkers are at greater risk of becoming obese, proving my theory that Santa Claus is, in fact, a total lush.
7. Well, duh
Apparently a report that Paris Hilton leaked new songs on myspace.com was a hoax. We all feel doubly stupid for the experience.
8. Steer clear
Ja Rule has a new album out called “Exodus,” which is not so much a title as it is an instruction.
9. In hindsight …
And “Newlyweds: Nick & Jessica–The Final Season” is out on DVD. Time to relive the tender warmth and happiness that Nick and Jessica clearly never shared.
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lebersole@tribune.com
