TODAY’S QUESTIONS
Leo Ebersole
Phillip Thompson
Whizzer
Evil Super Computer
Jeff Carpenter
TOPIC 1: If your high school erected a statue of you, what would IT be posed doing?
Dating the hottest girl in school. Or walking around with an atomic wedgie.
Balled up in a bathroom stall in the fetal position. And that was senior year.
Streaking through the cafeteria.
Enlisting the machines in the A/V room to help me enslave ALL STUDENTS!
Apologizing.
TOPIC 2: Should Bears QB Kyle Orton be looking over his shoulder?
At the Steelers’ pass rush? Yes.
He should be looking over his shoulder at Rex Grossman, who should be looking over his ankles, knees …
Only to check the Steelers’ blitz.
It’s crucial to always have a backup. I lost most of 1998 because I didn’t put stuff on CDs.
Yes, because Satchel Paige might be gaining on him.
TOPIC 3: Let’s say you won the Heisman. What do you do with the trophy?
I bite into it, only to find it isn’t made of chocolate. I never take Lee Corso’s advice again.
Marry it. I’ve always wanted a trophy wife.
It’s 2005. Let’s melt it down and remold it into a player doing an end-zone dance.
I know the vote-counting machine. Put another way, I’m winning it this Saturday.
Put it in my den and live in the past, like other winners.
TOPIC 4: When it comes to sports, how are you staying warm?
It’s a two-pronged attack: I’m burning the UCLA Bruin in effigy, and I’m on the Mike Sweetney diet.
I found out the Hot Stove league has nothing to do with heat. Especially where the Cubs are concerned.
Wearing layers. Bears jersey, Hawks jersey, Bulls jersey and a Florida State co-ed.
Digging deep into my memory for recollections of the Bears’ last playoff win.
Ideally playing tonsil-hockey with Brittany Murphy.
TOPIC 5: Baseball trades are happening. Make a trade proposal, anything for anything.
Evil Super Computer for a video iPod, preferably one that isn’t trying to enslave us.
I propose trading my PlayStation 2 for an active social life. Nah, who needs human contact?
Trade a Cubs fan for a Sox fan just so the Cubs fan can enjoy a World Series in their lifetime.
If this is the Blue Fairy asking, I’d give just about anything to be a real boy.
My job for my soul back, plus Maggie Gyllenhaal and a prayer to be named later.
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