We won’t be able to smoke in restaurants (unless they have a really good fan). We can’t buy a beer in the fourth quarter at a Bears game. What’s next? The Tempo Subcommittee on Protecting our Vices cringes at the possibilities:
– Can no longer use name “Marshall Field” when signing in at sleazy motel; must use “R.H. Macy.”
– Gentlemen’s Clubs become Gentleman Farmers’ Clubs.
– Chess pavilion players may not promote pawns to queens on the Sabbath.
– Protective headgear required on golf courses.
– No more spitting at the dentist’s office.
– Must keep detailed receipts on next vacation with George Ryan.
– No more driving through intersection on yellow lights.
– No more dice games in the elevators at City Hall.
– No more running onto the field at White Sox games.
– No transmission of pictures, descriptions or accounts of any tomfoolery without the express written permission of the mayor.
