TODAY’S QUESTIONS
Jimmy Greenfield
Phillip Thompson
Leo Ebersole
Mike North
Bag Boy
TOPIC 1: Is your Bears playoff glass half-empty or half-full?
Half-full. But that’s just because this bottle of gin in my hand is half-empty.
Mine is more of a goblet, really. Hand-blown. What was the question?
Half-full of Pepto.
My cup overfloweth.
Neither. I threw it against the wall when the Steelers made that 3rd-and-11.
TOPIC 2: Describe what one might have seen at T.O.’s 32nd birthday party?
Eagles accountants trying to recoup some of the shrimp appetizers.
Instead of balloons, they inflate egos.
Terrell fighting back tears as he sang “Happy Birthday” to himself.
Something unusual: T.O. acting like a gentleman.
A Drew Rosenhaus dunk tank complete with piranhas.
TOPIC 3: What will you watch through the new Wrigley Field “knothole” view?
I’ll see Corey Patterson staring back and screaming, “Don’t look at me! I am not an animal!”
If I’m watching through a hole in the wall, I better see some skin.
Anybody but “Dusty” Baker.
Depending on the day, Aramis Ramirez pulling a hammy or Kerry Wood tearing a shoulder muscle.
A ball going, going, going to the wall by the opposition.
A third-place finish.
TOPIC 4: Name the best thing about playing for your hometown baseball team?
Heckling yourself.
Every ball you drive foul may hit someone you didn’t like in high school.
It’s knowing exactly where to find good sunflower seeds and an injection of horse steroids.
If you’re performing, you’re a king. If you’re not, you gotta watch your back!
Moving back in with the folks. Hey, it’s not so bad. I get free cable.
TOPIC 5: Disclose to the world a holiday gift you might get someone in Five on Five.
For Mike North, a copy of
“Caucasian Man” autographed by Chris Rock.
A copy of the movie “Santa Claus Conquers the Martians” just has Leo written all over it.
Jimmy asked me if Santa’s elves make mascara that won’t run when he cries. I’m speechless.
I’d get Bag Boy a plastic bag with a rubber band.
A pet hyena for Mike here so that finally something’ll laugh at his jokes.
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E-mail the crew at redeyesports@tribune.com.
