TODAY’S QUESTIONS
Jimmy Greenfield
Phillip Thompson
Leo Ebersole
Whizzer
Michael Moreci
TOPIC 1: If the Vikings boatgoers are convicted of misdemeanors, what’s a fitting punishment?
One year’s home confinement watching nothing but “Love Boat” repeats.
Their yacht is replaced by a real Viking ship. Think of the splinters, not to mention the scurvy.
An immediate trade to the Texans. Specifically, to their cheerleading team.
Suspend their fishing licenses, and, yes, that’s ice fishing too. Good day to you, sirs.
The players should have to watch Cuba Gooding Jr. in “Boat Trip.”
TOPIC 2: A cool SteveNashMVP.com trick video has hit the Web. What sports trick can you do?
With my eyes closed, I can miss 50 3-pointers in a row.
I can only do an impersonation of a racehorse. I’m a one-trick pony (Sorry, people).
I can dribble behind my back. Boy that did not come out the way I intended it.
I can bounce a basketball off Leo’s head five times before he starts to cry.
I can barely run around the base paths without wheezing. Whizzer knows what I mean.
TOPIC 3: Explain this new Nike “four” LeBron James commercial, please.
It’s his audition to be the next horrible “SNL” host.
It takes four LeBrons to make one personality. It’s Penny Hardaway and Lil’ Penny all over again.
Along with the meaning of life and the female mind, it will remain a big, fat mystery.
It’s like the old Michael Jordan Nike ads except 1) it’s not cool and 2) it sucks.
They show LeBron is capable of a MVP-packed, title-hoarding career once he leaves the Cavs.
TOPIC 4: Why would a notable NBA player give police a false identity?
Paying a large fine to the government is a great end-of-year tax writeoff.
You can’t blame Darren, I mean Deron, Williams since his mother did the same thing at birth.
He’s in the Groupie Protection Program.
Because jocks in trouble don’t think under pressure. Picture Joey Harrington on 3rd and 9.
What I wonder though is why he would give ‘Jimmy Greenfield’ as his cover. Jimmy?
TOPIC 5: On a final note, where should Five on Five hold their annual holiday party?
The Green Mill, Holiday Club, Billy Goat, ESPNZone and Cook County jail.
In Bag Boy’s parents’ basement. Bag Boy spends his life at the kiddie table.
At Michael Moreci’s house. You did get the keg, right Michael?
Let’s rent out Lambeau Field, it’ll be empty after the new year.
BA-zing.
My place. Besides, what beats holidays on the South Side? Go White Sox!
———-
E-mail us at redeyesports@tribune.com.
