Hard work? Luck? Team spirit? Nahhhh. It’s these five characters that have allowed the Bears to make it this far.
How far will they take you? You’ll never know until you e-mail them at redeyesports@ tribune.com.
TOPIC 1: THE BEARS ARE IN AND THEY HAVE A FIRST-ROUND BYE. HOW FAR DO THEY GO?
Jimmy Greenfield: 21-0 loss in the NFC title game. Orton finishes up. Grossman returns by midseason.
Phillip Thompson: First base? Second base? Depends on my mood.
Leo Ebersole: They sweep the technical categories but lose to Hilary Swank in the best actress race.
Whizzer: Horrible second-round loss. It’s not me saying this, folks. It’s my gift.
Bag Boy: It ends in Super Bowl XL with a win over Indy. Hey, a bag can dream.
TOPIC 2: WHAT FAKE NAME HAVE YOU USED DURING A ROAD TRIP?
Jimmy Greenfield: Stanley Tucci.
Phillip Thompson: Orenthal James Simpson. By people’s reaction, they must think I’m related to Jessica Simpson.
Leo Ebersole: Mr. H. Hefner.
Whizzer: Byron White.
Bag Boy: John Boy.
TOPIC 3: HOW WOULD YOU ADVISE A CUBS FAN TO RESPOND IF MARK PRIOR IS TRADED?
Jimmy Greenfield: Begin screaming. Do not stop.
Phillip Thompson: Don’t cry, he’s gone to a better place.
Leo Ebersole: Take his jersey, unstitch the second “2,” turn it upside down and you’ve got a deformed Derrek Lee jersey.
Whizzer: Start drinking heavily and not just when you’re in the bleachers.
Bag Boy: Uh, 1908 folks. Nobody’s untouchable.
TOPIC 4: WHAT WAS THE 487TH BIGGEST SPORTS STORY OF 2005?
Jimmy Greenfield: Leo turns down World Series tickets to attend girlfriend’s piano recital.
Phillip Thompson: The NHL returns. No 486: The Chiefs actually sign Jonathan Quinn. No. 485: They cut him.
Leo Ebersole: Ricky Williams going an entire season without turning his helmet into a bong.
Whizzer: Bud Selig tests positive for adult diapers.
Bag Boy: The demise of the World Jockey Tossing Association.
TOPIC 5: WHAT PIECE OF SPORTS MEMORABILIA FROM 2005 WOULD YOU MOST LIKE TO OWN?
Jimmy Greenfield: An original copy of Ryne Sandberg’s Hall of Fame speech.
Phillip Thompson: Ozzie Guillen’s bottle of “Just For Men.” Oh, don’t act like you don’t know.
Leo Ebersole: Bobby Jenks’ refrigerator.
Whizzer: The ball used for the final out of the World Series. And I want the real one, Paulie.
Bag Boy: The wire used to shut Fred Miller’s broken jaw.
