It’s the last week of Five on Five in ’05. No, it won’t become Six on Six in ’06 or Seven on Seven in ’07. Eight on Eight? Maybe, we’ll see. And e-mail us at redeyesports@tribune.com.
TOPIC 1: HOW WOULD YOU HAVE HANDLED THE TONY PARKER-EVA LONGORIA INCIDENT?
Jimmy Greenfield: “Give the cops doughnuts and they won’t give you tickets.” Anybody? “Great White North” album.
Phillip Thompson: I would have punished Tony Parker by kissing Eva. What did he do wrong, you ask? Exactly.
Leo Ebersole: I’d tell them I only let Golden Globe winners out of traffic tickets.
Whizzer: I’d have asked Eva for an autograph. Teri Hatcher’s autograph.
Bag Boy: I wouldn’t have handled it. I’d be on curb chanting, “Where’s your Emmy?”
TOPIC 2: WHY WOULD A PLAYER EVEN RISK THE CHANCE OF BUMPING ANY NFL REF?
Jimmy Greenfield: Apparently, you haven’t seen “Brokeback Mountain.”
Phillip Thompson: They’re like genies. You rub them wrong, and you get your death wish.
Leo Ebersole: I know, right? If you really want his attention, threaten him with some “illegal touching.”
Whizzer: Look, if the music’s playing, anything can happen on the dance floor.
Bag Boy: Sheer confusion. He thought a holding call was a call to be held.
TOPIC 3: IS THERE ANY WAY TO HELP MUHSIN MUHAMMAD STOP DROPPING FOOTBALLS?
Jimmy Greenfield: Hypnotize him so he believes the NFL is now touch football.
Phillip Thompson: His mouth is always wide open. Has he tried that?
Leo Ebersole: He needs to think of each pass as Skip Bayless and strangle it.
Whizzer: Velcro football, Velcro gloves, Velcro jersey and Velcro underpants (just to be safe)
Bag Boy: Tell him, “If it happens again, we put Kyle Orton back in.”
TOPIC 4: TITLE THE MOVIE YET TO BE MADE ABOUT THE 2005 MINNESOTA VIKINGS.
Jimmy Greenfield: “Das Sex Boot” (The Sex Boat)
Phillip Thompson: “Bomb Voyage”
Leo Ebersole: “Anchor Management.”
Whizzer: “Of Tice and Men.” And yes, you’ll cry at the end when their season dies.
Bag Boy: “The Neverending Story Part IV.”
TOPIC 5: ANYBODY GET ANY GOOD HOLIDAY GIFTS?
Jimmy Greenfield: DVD of the never-filmed 10th season of “Seinfeld.” Still can’t figure out where my wife got this.
Phillip Thompson: DVD box set of “Walker, Texas Ranger.” Um … thanks, Mom?
Leo Ebersole: I’m spending a lot of time with “The 40-Year-Old Virgin.” And besides hanging out with Bag Boy …
Whizzer: Bag Boy got me some bags. Oh Bag Boy, that joke never gets old. Not.
Bag Boy: A replica World Series trophy. I paraded around my house to Journey’s greatest hits.
