It’s the time of year when Oscar buzz builds and all the Hollywood hopefuls coyly dodge suggestions that they’ll win … deep down hoping and praying that their competitors will go down in flames and they’ll emerge with the golden statuette. But those “best actor” and “best actress” categories are tired. RedEye tells it like it was in 2005 with its first Slammy awards.
Best Reason to Hire Another Agent
Lindsay Lohan in “Herbie: Fully Loaded”
Affair to Remember Award
“Mr. & Mrs. Smith”
I Swear I’m Not Gay Award
Heath Ledger, who followed “Brokeback Mountain” with “Casanova”
Flimsy Excuse to Cast A Singer Award
a.k.a. the “Crossroads” Award, a.k.a. The “Glitter” Award
“The Dukes of Hazzard” with Jessica Simpson
Can I Get Some Cliffs Notes? Award
“Syriana”
Anything Jamie Foxx Can Do, I Can Do Better Award
Joaquin Phoenix in “Walk the Line” (above)
All About the Bikini Award
“Into the Blue” (above)
Wish it Were a Reality Movie Award
Paris Hilton in “House of Wax”
Best Movie Title
“Red Eye”
Best Reason to Get a Dog Instead of Seeing a Movie
“Must Love Dogs”
We Don’t Need Another Hero Award
a.k.a. The Halle Berry Award
Charlize Theron in “Aeon Flux”
Best Abs Award
50 Cent in “Get Rich or Die Tryin’ “
Most in Need of Prozac Award
Nicolas Cage in “The Weather Man” (above)
Best as a Second Banana Award
a.k.a. The Jude Law Award
Orlando Bloom in “Kingdom of Heaven” and “Elizabethtown”
Stick to TV Award (tie)
David Schwimmer in “Duane Hopwood”
Jennifer Aniston in “Derailed” and “Rumor Has It”
Choke-on-Your-Popcorn Line of the Year (tie)
“Good relations with the Wookies I have”: Yoda in “Star Wars: Episode III–Revenge of the Sith”
“Yes, I’m stroking the beast”: Jack Black in “King Kong”
If Only It Were True Award
Ashlee Simpson in “Undiscovered”
Aren’t There Any Other Child Actresses? Award
Dakota Fanning for “Hide and Seek,” “War of the Worlds,” “Dreamer,” “Nine Lives”
Best Reason to Stop Making Sequels (tie)
“Miss Congeniality 2” and “Transporter 2”
Wretched Excess Award
Peter Jackson for “King Kong”
