RedEye reader Randy Wostratzky pulls up a chair and fires off his own answers. Are you good at sitting in chairs? Great! You qualify for your own appearance. E-mail redeyesports@tribune.com now.
TOPIC 1: HAVE YOU EVER BEEN DUPED IN FRONT OF THE NATION?
Jimmy Greenfield: You can read all about it in my forthcoming memoir, “Stedman or Jimmy? How Oprah ruined my life.”
Phillip Thompson: Yes, I was led to believe Wostratzky is a real name and not a form of torture.
Leo Ebersole: I said it before, and I’ll say it again: I still can’t believe it’s not butter.
Whizzer: Got pantsed once behind ESPN’s “Game Day” set. Haven’t worn pants since.
Randy Wostratzky: No, but I was duped into watching “Skating With the Stars” last week.
TOPIC 2: WHAT CAN OAKLAND FANS EXPECT FROM FRANK THOMAS?
Jimmy Greenfield: One and done. (See “Sosa, Sammy–Baltimore”).
Phillip Thompson: Expect one end of the bench to be lopsided. He’s a big guy and he’s never going to leave that spot.
Leo Ebersole: The silent treatment.
Whizzer: A $500,000 smile that can rise in value if it doesn’t become a $500,000 grimace in pain.
Randy Wostratzky: 40 HRs, 110 RBIs. A Neil Patrick Harris-esque comeback year.
TOPIC 3: HOW MANY POINTS DOES KOBE BRYANT SCORE IN HIS NEXT GAME?
Jimmy Greenfield: 35.9.
Phillip Thompson: He already has made one point: Offensively, Kwame Brown is useless.
Leo Ebersole: I predict 43 points on 16-of-1,246 shooting.
Whizzer: I’m thinking of a number between 1 and 100. Check and mate.
Randy Wostratzky: He scores 67. And Phil Jackson’s mustache scores 12.
TOPIC 4: SUGGEST HOW A PLAYER CAN PREPARE FOR THE MADNESS OF SUPER BOWL WEEK.
Jimmy Greenfield: Walk up and down “8 Mile” waving around your per diem.
Phillip Thompson: Spend a few hours researching Mick Jagger’s right nipple, you know, just in case.
Leo Ebersole: It’s just a game. The most important game in the world, with millions of lives hanging in the balance.
Whizzer: Interview yourself with the same three questions 1,000 times. Rinse, repeat.
Randy Wostratzky: Try to spend 15 minutes in the same room with Jack Bauer.
TOPIC 5: WHO IS AMELIE MAURESMO?
Jimmy Greenfield: The correct response to the following Jeopardy answer: Somebody Jimmy doesn’t give a hoot about.
Phillip Thompson: Someone who’s lucky there’s no chromosome testing in women’s tennis.
Leo Ebersole: Jimmy’s mixed doubles tennis partner. Also, she’s a man.
Whizzer: Place-kicker for the Winnipeg Blue Bombers.
Randy Wostratzky: Michael Vick’s new name when he checks into hotels since Ron Mexico has left the building.
