TODAY’S QUESTIONS
TOPIC 1: What’s next for Rufus, winner of Best in Show at Westminster?
Jimmy Greenfield: He’ll vacation in Vietnam … and never be heard from again.
Phillip Thompson: Have you seen this creature? He’ll be making his next appearance in my nightmares.
Leo Ebersole: He’s seen dancing on bar tops with Lindsay Lohan. Several weeks later, they break off the engagement.
Adam Caldarelli: Sniffs his handler’s butt and then licks himself.
Bag Boy: Three-picture deal with Paramount, two of which he gets to direct.
TOPIC 2: You’re Sammy Sosa. Do you reject the Nationals’ one-year offer?
Jimmy Greenfield: I’m Sammy Sosa? This answer is over.
Phillip Thompson: Yes, I really think he can get a better deal with the Westminster people.
Leo Ebersole: Yes. Too close to Congress for comfort.
Adam Caldarelli: Yes, and I reject women’s hockey too. Why? Because I’m Sammy Sosa!
Bag Boy: Yep, then I clean up on the softball home-run derby circuit.
TOPIC 3: Predict the hottest eBay item coming out of these Winter Games?
Jimmy Greenfield: Don’t know, but my search will be for “Sasha Cohen” and “underthings.”
Phillip Thompson: Women speed skater thighs. Those monstrosities would give Rufus nightmares.
Leo Ebersole: An authentic Bob Costas throwback toupee.
Adam Caldarelli: Probably not that little get-up Johnny Weir wore in the short program.
Bag Boy: Bode Miller’s gold medal. It’s so rare, not even he has ever seen it.
TOPIC 4: Olympic mogul skier Jeremy Bloom will try out for the NFL and …
Jimmy Greenfield: … Leo will pull a groin watching the WNBA.
Phillip Thompson: … Bloom goes the dynamite!
Leo Ebersole: … horrify scouts as his knees crumble before their eyes, not that it’ll stop Arizona from drafting him.
Adam Caldarelli: … quickly return to mogul skiing.
Bag Boy: … demand that he only return punts heading downhill.
TOPIC 5: Let’s slow things down and open it up to you: Anything else on your mind?
Jimmy Greenfield: Jeff Spicoli is the greatest movie character ever. And I’ll fight any man who says otherwise.
Phillip Thompson: I’d chase my dream of Olympic glory, but my dreams usually involve flying manatees and Tyra Banks.
Leo Ebersole: You happened to ask at a moment in which my mind is totally blank. Check back three hours from now.
Adam Caldarelli: You mean besides curling?
Nothing.
Bag Boy: Word around the Five on Five water cooler is Phil’s dating Rufus.
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