TODAY’S QUESTIONS
TOPIC 1: What was your reaction to all those ice dancing crashes?
Jimmy Greenfield: I was just thankful that ice dancers are fictional creatures.
Phillip Thompson:What’s fine for NASCAR is fine for ice dancing. That’s why they need restrictor skates.
Leo Ebersole: The least they can do is replace their divots. The Zamboni has limits, too, you know.
Whizzer: I demand that in the next Olympics all dancers wear those padded protective sumo outfits.
Bag Boy: Reminded me of the Hawks’ power play.
TOPIC 2: This is a Five on Five first: Predict the men’s 1,500 meter speed skating.
Jimmy Greenfield: Shani Davis. Afterward, he slugs Melissa Stark for “looking at him funny.”
Phillip Thompson: Whoever finishes first, Chad Hedrick or Shani Davis, will have the other’s skate blade in his back.
Leo Ebersole: I like Michelle Kwan here. I really do.
Whizzer: Shani Davis wins gold, Chad Hedrick wins silver, then together perform “Ebony & Ivory.”
Bag Boy: No U.S. skater wins gold, and they all blame Bob Costas.
TOPIC 3: Ten years from now Bode Miller is …
Jimmy Greenfield: … selling his heavily discounted autograph out of his car at the 2016 Chicago Olympics.
Phillip Thompson: … on someone’s reality TV show. On cable access. In Alaska.
Leo Ebersole: … not winning anything at the Summer Games either.
Whizzer: … finishing seventh in the neighborhood sack races.
Bag Boy: … working at McDonald’s.
TOPIC 4: Two years from now Barry Bonds is …
Jimmy Greenfield: … still a jackass.
Phillip Thompson: … starting a cable access show in Alaska.
Leo Ebersole: … promoting Barry’s Magical Muscle Tonic on QVC.
Whizzer: … making a beer run for Bode Miller.
Bag Boy: … not talking to reporters after his daily shuffleboard matches.
TOPIC 5: Why would Derrek Lee ever give the Cubs a hometown discount?
Jimmy Greenfield: He wouldn’t. Maybe because this isn’t his hometown, and he’s only played here two years.
Phillip Thompson: I think they invented the “mercy rule” in sports for just such an occasion.
Leo Ebersole: Because happiness is knowing you’re at home … in early October.
Whizzer: It’s not about money. It’s about a love for the … oh, I almost got it out without giggling.
Bag Boy: Because all players want to experience the magic of the Cubs’ rich World Series history.
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