TODAY’S QUESTIONS
TOPIC 1: WHEN DOES THE NEXT SPORTS STREAKER ATTACK?
Jimmy Greenfield: Whenever Anna Benson gives me the signal.
Phillip Thompson: Eagles coach Andy Reid bares all at an unsuspecting tire store. Wait, that’s the Michelin Man.
Leo Ebersole: It depends. Jimmy, when’s your next big chunk of free time?
Whizzer: The Oscars. Not a sports streaker, you say?
It is if it’s Terrell Owens.
Bag Boy: I vow to streak in protest if Minnie Minoso doesn’t make the Hall of Fame.
TOPIC 2: MINNIE MINOSO DIDN’T MAKE THE HALL OF FAME. YOUR REACTION?
Jimmy Greenfield: Come on, if we let her in, we also have to let in Daisy Duck.
Phillip Thompson: They need a better election system: “Eenie Minnie miney Minoso …”
Leo Ebersole: C’mon, now. The chance to put his plaque next to Mickey Mantle’s is reason enough.
Whizzer: The next “American Idol” auditions are this summer. You can do this, Minnie.
Bag Boy: YEEEEEEEEEEEEE-HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
TOPIC 3: WHO DO YOU WISH WERE NAMED HOST OF THE ESPYS IN JULY?
Jimmy Greenfield: Chairman of the Federal Reserve Ben Bernanke.
Phillip Thompson: Olympic bust Bode Miller. On second thought, he wouldn’t be able to find the podium.
Leo Ebersole: I was hoping for the U.S. snowboarding team, but ESPN has always hated hippies.
Whizzer: The Phillie Phanatic.
Bag Boy: Don Rickles. Booing? You’re booing? There’s no booing.
TOPIC 4: NOW WRITE A JOKE FOR THE REAL ESPY HOST, MR. LANCE ARMSTONG.
Jimmy Greenfield: “Take my pulse, please … is this bike on? Seriously, ladies and germs.”
Phillip Thompson: “A funny thing happened on the way to Lezat-sur-Leze …”
Leo Ebersole: “Everyone is here for a reason–to wonder yet again how Tiger Woods bagged such a hot wife.”
Whizzer: “How many people biked here tonight? Really? What losers.”
Bag Boy: “Our Most Outstanding Performance ESPY goes to … the Blackhawks!”
TOPIC 5: IS IT POSSIBLE TO BE CALLED `AN IDIOT’ AND TAKE IT AS COMPLIMENT?
Jimmy Greenfield: Ask Leo, he’s a moron.
Phillip Thompson: Well the Red Sox do, but I have it on good authority that they can’t tie their own shoes.
Leo Ebersole: The 2004 Red Sox seem to think so. Little do they know …
Whizzer: Only an idiot would ask a question like that.
Your move, sir.
Bag Boy: I’ve never taken it as anything other than a compliment.
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E-mail them at redeyesports@tribune.com.
