TODAY’S QUESTIONS
TOPIC 1: If you were writing Mark Prior’s fake blog, what would you put on it?
Jimmy Greenfield: Naked pictures of his wife–Anna Benson.
Phillip Thompson: “And here’s me doing shots with Kyle Orton. Dude, you don’t even know!”
Leo Ebersole: Day 6: Dusty’s latest practical joke was pretty funny. He pulled out my elbow tendons and played banjo.
Mike North: Today I stood on a mound and actually pitched. I can’t believe it.
Bag Boy: The minor-league rehabilitation schedule.
TOPIC 2: Why was Barry Bonds wearing a dress and wig on Tuesday?
Jimmy Greenfield: No time to change after getting back from moonlighting at the Mustang Ranch.
Phillip Thompson: My guess is it was part of his Mardi Gross costume.
Leo Ebersole: He also wants to pass Babe Ruth on the all-time “America’s Next Top Model” list.
Mike North: Fat Tuesday for a fat ballplayer.
Bag Boy: Better question, why does he look like my ex-girlfriend? OK, all of my ex-girlfriends.
TOPIC 3: Hockey’s back. What now?
Jimmy Greenfield: To boost attendance, the Blackhawks sign Minnie Minoso for a game.
Phillip Thompson: They take the momentum of the Olympics and inch up to curling in the ratings.
Leo Ebersole: “SportsCenter” becomes 30 percent more unwatchable.
Mike North: Like a bad movie, can’t wait for the season to end.
Bag Boy: Now that the Hawks are back, I can resume my daily ritual of dying a little inside.
TOPIC 4: How would you make peace between Frank Thomas and Kenny Williams?
Jimmy Greenfield: Remind them that life is short, and when it comes down to it, they’re both idiots.
Phillip Thompson: Lock them in a room and don’t let them out until … until …
Leo Ebersole: Have them share a peace pipe. Method Man’s peace pipe.
Mike North: Rip Frank’s tongue out?
Bag Boy: Oil ’em up and put ’em in a ring. Wait, this whole Bonds thing is throwing me.
TOPIC 5: Why is Pete Sampras returning to tennis after a three-year retirement?
Jimmy Greenfield: Would you want to be a retired multimillionaire in your 30s? No thanks!
Phillip Thompson: He was probably bored. Imagine, Pete Sampras and boredom.
Boggles the mind.
Leo Ebersole: Because the chair umpire ruled that his first retirement actually went wide. Second service.
Mike North: Must be tired of doing nothing or sick of Bridget Wilson. How can that be?
Bag Boy: He needed a greater challenge, so he’s going to play against the women now.
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E-mail redeyesports@tribune.com.
