TODAY’S QUESTIONS
TOPIC 1: You see Indians fans at the Sox opener. What do you say to them?
Jimmy Greenfield: “Say what you will. But I’ll warn you, I’ve got a really, really good comeback this year.”
Phillip Thompson: “You scalped those tickets, didn’t you?” Sorry, my Native American brothers, The Man made me say that.
Leo Ebersole: “Why do we have to watch
you and not Cleveland from ‘Family Guy’?”
Mike North: “Hey, enjoy second place.”
Bag Boy: “With a team like the Indians, why am I the one wearing the bag?”
TOPIC 2: How can the NFL clamp down on TD celebrations?
Jimmy Greenfield: Same way Mom got me to come in for dinner. Time-activated Anthrax-laced footballs.
Phillip Thompson: Any celebration longer than three seconds, they send in Bill Romanowski.
Leo Ebersole: By lacing the end zones with a laxative that can be absorbed through the skin.
Mike North: Adopt the Bears’ offense.
Bag Boy: Tell each offender that they “dance like Phil Thompson.” Boom! Epidemic over.
TOPIC 3: What could be the impact from three NFL games on Thanksgiving Day?
Jimmy Greenfield: Cranberry-related domestic disturbances increase 50 percent.
Phillip Thompson: That much sitting in front of the TV after eating could maybe, just maybe, make Americans fat.
Leo Ebersole: Bag Boy could suffer multiple heart attacks for the first time since the Bulls got Tim Thomas.
Mike North: Leftovers at midnight. Mmm, yummy.
Bag Boy: My Mom gives up getting us to the table and just orders in Chinese food.
TOPIC 4: A Red Sox logo is on Massachusetts’ lottery tickets. What could the Cubs logo go on?
Jimmy Greenfield: Graceland Cemetery headstones.
Phillip Thompson: Toilet covers.
Leo Ebersole: On NASCAR “Did Not Finish” leader Hermie Sadler’s Chevy.
Mike North: Parking tickets. Holy mackerel! You parked by a hydrant.
Bag Boy: The DL.
TOPIC 5: Is it ever OK to fight with a teammate?
Jimmy Greenfield: As long as it ends in death, dismemberment or playful tickling.
Phillip Thompson: Only if that teammate keeps interrupting the voices in your head.
Leo Ebersole: I don’t know if it sways the argument, but Duke players tickle fight twice a month.
Mike North: I’ve been married 28 years, what do you think?
Bag Boy: Never, and my fat-headed, know-nothing colleagues here will agree with me.
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E-mail the crew at redeyesports@tribune.com.
