TODAY’S QUESTIONS
TOPIC 1: Opening night for the World Series champs is comparable to what other event?
Jimmy Greenfield: It’s a cross between a reunion and a $500-a-plate fundraiser.
Phillip Thompson: Paris Hilton on her honeymoon?
Leo Ebersole: The start of the Boston Marathon, only the Sox are at the front of the line, and they’re piloting F-16s.
Whizzer: A post-Oscar party where you have to be on the set of another film at dawn the next day.
Stick Figure: There are many kinds of cheese, but my favorite has to be Cheez Whiz.
TOPIC 2: Wrigley Field’s bleachers are now the Bud Light Bleachers. Was there another option?
Jimmy Greenfield: The Frau Bleachers.
NEIIIIIIGGGGGHHHHH!
Phillip Thompson: It’s pretty close, just take out the “ud” and you have “Blight.” Me? Bitter about the changes? Nooo.
Leo Ebersole: The Old Spice Reek Zone.
Whizzer: Depends.
Stick Figure: The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog. Now watch me jump.
TOPIC 3: What will come from this MLB steroid investigation?
Jimmy Greenfield: It will lead to the end of the trade group “MLB Players for Back Acne.”
Phillip Thompson: I’m hoping Stanozolol, a.k.a. Stan the Man, finally gets Hall of Fame consideration.
Leo Ebersole: The uncovering of a cockfighting ring in the Phillie Phanatic’s basement.
Whizzer: Drama, dancing and lots of “Larry King Live.” It’s like a night with Liza Minnelli.
Stick Figure: Santa Claus!
TOPIC 4: Was there a better candidate to head up the steroid investigation?
Jimmy Greenfield: Kenesaw Mountain Landis. He’s dead, but he’s tough.
Phillip Thompson: A mysterious new candidate, a Mr. Garry Gonds.
Leo Ebersole: Larry King. The man never stops with the hard-hitting questions.
Whizzer: George Mason basketball coach Jim Larranaga. KRYPTONITE!
Stick Figure: Counting to 10 is easy if you go one number at a time. 1, 2, 7, puppies, 6 …
TOPIC 5: Who wins the 2006 World Series?
Jimmy Greenfield: The Chicago Cubs. Dad, I know. I’ll never learn.
Phillip Thompson: “American Idol.” It’s like a virus in the Matrix.
Leo Ebersole: I think it’s St. Louis’ year … to lose to the Yankees.
Whizzer: If I had my way, the St. Louis Browns. But I’ll hold my nose and choose the Cardinals.
Stick Figure: … 7, 8, 9, 9, 9, 9, 9, 9, 9, 9, 9, 9, 9, 9, 9, 9 …
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