1. Save the date
So Kiefer Sutherland is going to do three more seasons of “24” and possibly a “24” movie. Terrorist cells are advised to reserve attack dates on the sign-up sheet in the conference room.
2. Here comes the boom
Jermaine Dupri says he’d like Mariah Carey and Janet Jackson to sing a duet. As a bonus, he’d be creating the greatest controlled nuclear reaction since the Manhattan Project.
3. Real dull
The next “Real World” will be taped in Denver. As if the housemates need more incentive to drink.
4. Stepping up
The next great TV spinoff to dazzle America: “Dancing With Rednecks.”
5. For poorer
This just in: Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin have named their baby Moses, meaning I can kiss the $51 wagered on “Papaya Paltrow-Martin” goodbye.
6. The heat is on
The Moses naming really raises the stakes for other celebrity couples. I’m thinking Brad and Angelina will go with “Buddha” and Tom and Katie will go with “L. Ron Jr.”
7. Battle lines
Gwyneth, by the way, was also named Britain’s best-dressed woman. Oh, so they claim her now? The second war for our independence begins–eh, you can have her.
8. Forever young
Cheeta, the chimp who starred in the “Tarzan” movies, just turned 74 years old. His secret: Bananas and Viagra.
9. Like father …
If you’ve seen “The Benchwarmers,” you may have noticed young Patrick Schwarzenegger, who has a bit part. What a chip off the old block–his father wasn’t starring in tired, fish-out-of-water comedies until he was in his 30s.
