TODAY’S QUESTIONS
TOPIC 1: Are you enjoying the drama of the Bulls racing to the NBA playoffs?
Jimmy Greenfield: It has all the excitement of looking at Sharon Stone naked, circa 2006.
Phillip Thompson: It was almost too exciting for a minute there, but my heart will go on. … I didn’t just say that.
Leo Ebersole: It’s the most exciting thing in–OH, MY GOD, JEWEL-OSCO JUST MAILED ME A COUPON!
Adam Caldarelli: .500 fever, baby. Catch it!
Bag Boy: It’s like watching Butch and Sundance right before they take on the entire Bolivian army.
TOPIC 2: Why did future NFL QB Matt Leinart fire his agent?
Jimmy Greenfield: He kept on referring to him as Mr. Irrelevant.
Phillip Thompson: That’s surprising. West Coast QBs tend to be more level-headed, like Cade McNown.
Leo Ebersole: He demands Arliss, and he won’t settle for anyone else.
Adam Caldarelli: Because agents are worthless. I got this job without an agent.
I rest my case.
Bag Boy: He filed for the WNBA draft.Upside: New York Liberty expect him to contribute immediately.
TOPIC 3: If you could plAy one sport on the international space station, what would it be?
Jimmy Greenfield: Air Hockey
Phillip Thompson: Coed beach volleyball. Oh, blessed zero gravity.
Leo Ebersole: Polo. And the rest of these guys get to clean the stables.
Adam Caldarelli: An escape pod race back to Earth.
Bag Boy: 16-inch softball. And if we break a window, the game’s called on account of a lack of oxygen.
TOPIC 4: MIT pulled a prank on Caltech and stole a canNon statue. How can Caltech gain revenge?
Jimmy Greenfield: Have one of their students be the first one to kiss a girl.
Phillip Thompson: By stealing MIT’s old prom dates. That is, if their moms will go for it.
Leo Ebersole: I’m trying to find out, but all I see are message board threads about “Battlestar Galactica.”
Adam Caldarelli: There are no winners here, only dweebs.
Bag Boy: Turn the statue around, load gunpowder and cannon balls, and bring MIT to their knees.
TOPIC 5: How many homers does Jim Thome wind up with this season?
Jimmy Greenfield: 54. Most exciting hitter in Chicago, including Bronson Arroyo.
Phillip Thompson: Let me put it this way: By 2007, the home run will be renamed the “Thome run.”
Leo Ebersole: Conservative estimate: 65.
Adam Caldarelli: I’m no MIT grad, but with five in eight games, my calculations project 101. I’ll go with that.
Bag Boy: 74. And we shall never speak of Barry Bonds again.
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E-mail them at redeyesports@tribune.com.
