TODAY’S QUESTIONS
TOPIC 1: 1. Tiger Woods bungee jumps, then races stock cars. What’s next?
Jimmy Greenfield: Leo Ebersole goes to sleep, then doesn’t wet the bed.
Phillip Thompson: Extreme club-blaming. Wait, he’s already done that.
Leo Ebersole: Shark hunting. With a 7-iron.
Bag Boy: Tiger moves into magician David Blaine’s aquarium.
Laura Castle: Wrestling gators and playing golf at the same time. “Crocodile” Woods becomes the next Happy Gilmore.
TOPIC 2: No longer a historic landmark, what special status would you give Soldier Field?
Jimmy Greenfield: Hysterical Landmark.
Phillip Thompson: It gets top-flight status, which means the top will fly off and destroy all puny Earth-worlders.
Leo Ebersole: “Landmark that sells a decent bratwurst” status.
Bag Boy: Slap a plaque out front that says President Lincoln once slept there. Who’s gonna know?
Laura Castle: “Home of the 1985 Super Bowl champs.” Got a problem with that? Shuffle off to Buffalo.
TOPIC 3: The Outdoor Life Network changed its name to Versus. Please, pick something better.
Jimmy Greenfield: Really, anything would be better. But I’ll go with “Ampersand.”
Phillip Thompson: The Outdoor Lifetime Network. Finally a channel for the female lumberjack. Right, Laura?
Leo Ebersole: The Live, Intense, Fast, Exciting, Torrid, Incredibly Momentous Entertainment network–or LIFETIME, for short.
Bag Boy: “EZPN.”
Laura Castle: Who cares? It’s the channel sports fans switch to when ESPN’s showing commercials.
TOPIC 4: Potential Bears defensive back Ricky Manning Jr. was arrested. Does this help or hurt him?
Jimmy Greenfield: Hurts him. I don’t know, mainly because HE WAS ARRESTED FOR ASSAULT!
Phillip Thompson: Depends. If he was arrested for mugging, that will come in handy against receivers.
Leo Ebersole: I think he’s starting to make his case as a good fit for the Cowboys.
Bag Boy: Hurts. The Bears have enough defensive backs that can draw penalty flags, Ricky.
Laura Castle: It never worked for Phil when he tried out for the WNBA, and he doesn’t even look like a jock.
TOPIC 5: A poll says fans want more to be done to deter steroids in baseball. What’s one option?
Jimmy Greenfield: Add estrogen to the country’s steroid supply.
Phillip Thompson: Force offenders to join Laura’s knitting circle. I’m only kidding! It’s really Leo’s knitting circle.
Leo Ebersole: Frisk all mascots. They could be potential suppliers. I’m looking at you, San Diego Chicken.
Bag Boy: Push the outfield walls in every park out to 1 mile even, and it won’t matter anymore.
Laura Castle: Any player weighing more than Phil is automatically drug tested.
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