TODAY’S QUESTIONS
TOPIC 1: If there had been a third day of the NFL draft, whom would the Bears have taken?
Jimmy Greenfield: A knee.
Leo Ebersole: They’d have done everything in their power to trade down to Day 4.
Brian Moore: A ninth backup for Brian Urlacher. You know, just in case.
Bag Boy: He’d have to 1) be defensive, 2) be available, 3) have no chance at starting. So, Donald Rumsfeld.
STICK FIGURE: How come on Mondays everyone’s so grumpy?
Row, row, row your boat …
TOPIC 2: Anything you can do to help Tyson Chandler’s sprained ankle?
Jimmy Greenfield: Go back in time to prevent the injury. How to prevent it? Simple. Stop the evolution of the human ankle.
Leo Ebersole: I’d offer Brian’s ankle, but it turns out he’s a centaur.
Who knew?
Brian Moore: Sure, lemme step on it again. We’re all better off that way.
Bag Boy: I am first in line to donate either of mine. Go ahead, take one. This is THAT important.
STICK FIGURE: It’s nice to share the ball at recess. But no throwing at the head.
TOPIC 3: As he ponders retirement at 43, what will be Doug Flutie’s legacy?
Jimmy Greenfield: He’ll be the guy that couldn’t deliver for the ’86 Bears. No 20-year reunions for those bums.
Leo Ebersole: Definitely those 10-10-220 ads with his brother … and maybe the Hail Mary pass against Miami.
Brian Moore: Being a giant among midget quarterbacks.
Bag Boy: Except for his time in Chicago, he’s had a beautiful run. We should all be so lucky.
STICK FIGURE: In dog years, 43 is really old. When my dog turned 10, he went to live on a farm. I miss him.
TOPIC 4: A Clippers player claims a Denver player grabbed his testicles in a game. Write the headline.
Jimmy Greenfield: “Jump Balls!”
Leo Ebersole: “NBA refs miss 1,204 traveling violations, one sexual assault.”
Brian Moore: “Clippers sacked!”
Bag Boy: “Player accused of Nugget-on-nugget crime.”
STICK FIGURE: “Leggo my Eggo!”
TOPIC 5: Anna Nicole Smith’s real name is Vickie Lynn Marshall. What’s your real name?
Jimmy Greenfield: What’s on first.
Leo Ebersole: D’Brickashaw Ebersole.
Brian Moore: Brian “Lawn” Moore. At least that’s what Chris Berman calls me.
Bag Boy: Cade McNown. And now you understand why I wear the bag.
STICK FIGURE: I can’t roller-skate, but I’m learning.
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