TODAY’S QUESTIONS
TOPIC 1: Identify the next big decision that the Houston Texans will screw up?
Jimmy Greenfield: In two years they’ll trade Mario Williams for Tyson Chandler and Eddy Curry.
Leo Ebersole: Making up for star power lost by passing on Reggie Bush, they start Paris Hilton at left tackle.
Brian Moore: Cheerleaders are ordered to cover up all skin. Oh, the humanity!
Mike North: Make Bag Boy their media relations person.
Bag Boy: Against the advice of their fans, they go ahead and marry Anna Nicole Smith.
TOPIC 2: Who’s your bet to win the Kentucky Derby?
Jimmy Greenfield: A horsie.
Leo Ebersole: Jimmy, and not as a jockey.
Brian Moore: I’ll go with Danica Patrick in the No. 16 Letterman/Rahal car.
Mike North: Without a doubt Secretariat–whoops! Flashback.
Bag Boy: I think North’s been drinking. That said, I choose John Elway.
TOPIC 3: Where does Gov. Schwarzenegger get off asking for two L.A. football teams?
Jimmy Greenfield: Hey, I asked Charlie Sheen for two L.A. hookers, but it doesn’t mean I’m getting any.
Leo Ebersole: Let’s just say he wouldn’t be upset to see the local market for steroids increase.
Brian Moore: He did three “Terminator” movies, so he obviously doesn’t know when to stop.
Mike North: They have a better chance at landing two soccer teams.
Bag Boy: That’s it–he’s deported.
TOPIC 4: The Detroit Red Wings have been eliminated. How are we celebrating?
Jimmy Greenfield: 400,000 immigrants will march in downtown Chicago.
Leo Ebersole: In true Detroit fashion, we’ve started some angry riots. Bag Boy just killed somebody.
Brian Moore: The same way I usually celebrate hockey developments: Ignoring them.
Mike North: Cheli’s Chili for everyone.
Bag Boy: I randomly dialed Detroit residents and reminded them that they all still live in Detroit.
TOPIC 5: How could a guy like John Daly lose up to $60 million gambling?
Jimmy Greenfield: You mean an irresponsible, alcoholic with a gambling problem? Gee, how could that happen?
Leo Ebersole: He’s an addict, plain and simple. HEY, WHO BROUGHT KRISPY KREMES?!
Brian Moore: Simple. He bet against Tiger Woods.
Mike North: Betting on the Blackhawks?
Bag Boy: Same way he got that big tummy. Practice, practice, practice.
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E-mail the crew at redeyesports@tribune.com.
