TODAY’S QUESTIONS
TOPIC 1: A GROUP JUST BOUGHT THE NATIONALS. IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE USE OF $450 MILLION?
Jimmy Greenfield: Depends. Did it come with an egg roll?
Leo Ebersole: Heck yeah. Attention new guys: Sign Soriano, Zimmerman and Cordero to long-term deals.
Brian Moore: In baseball, sure. The Yankees spend that much on players alone every year.
Adam Caldarelli: They would’ve been a lot cheaper a couple of years ago when they were the Montreal Expos.
Bag Boy: The only time it’s acceptable to spend $450 million is if I’m doing the spending.
TOPIC 2: WHAT WILL THE GHOST OF BABE RUTH DO WHEN BARRY BONDS HITS NO. 715?
Jimmy Greenfield: Immediately start drinking at one of his favorite haunts.
Leo Ebersole: Swing a half-empty bottle of scotch at the TV, and pass out in a plate of spaghetti.
Brian Moore: He’ll let Bonds enjoy his moment then get back to being immortal, which Bonds never will be.
Adam Caldarelli: Pop some horse steroids, and sign a contract with the Devil Rays.
Bag Boy: Demand that President Franklin D. Roosevelt launch an investigation.
TOPIC 3: THE VIKINGS FIRED AN EXEC FOR RESUME INACCURACIES. ARE YOUR RESUMES ACCURATE?
Jimmy Greenfield: Well, no. It’s embarrassing to admit but, in truth, references are not available upon request.
Leo Ebersole: Technically speaking, I never actually hunted dinosaurs, but the rest is totally substantiated.
Brian Moore: Why? You don’t think Five on Five deserves a Pulitzer prize winner like me on the panel?
Adam Caldarelli: It still says I won the 1986 Heisman and ’87 Nobel Peace Prize, right? Yes, then it’s accurate.
Bag Boy: Yes. And if anyone asks, I’m “captain” of Five on Five. Don’t argue with me.
TOPIC 4: WHY ISN’T FREDDY ADU ON THE U.S. WORLD CUP ROSTER?
Jimmy Greenfield: He padded his resume. Turns out he’s actually a music prodigy with no athletic ability.
Leo Ebersole: The Xbox rental fees were starting to add up.
Brian Moore: He’s gonna be the Cubs’ new first baseman instead.
Adam Caldarelli: Because he sucks.
Bag Boy: Freddy who?
TOPIC 5: NAME ONE SPORTS-RELATED ACTIVITY PHIL IS DOING DURING HIS WEEK OFF?
Jimmy Greenfield: Running from The Man.
Leo Ebersole: Injecting himself with performance enhancers.
Brian Moore: Filling out his mock fantasy football draft. Seriously.
Adam Caldarelli: Updating his Chicago Sky fan site.
Bag Boy: Playing one-on-one with his inflatable Ben Wallace doll.
And losing.
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redeyesports@tribune.com
