TODAY’S QUESTIONS
TOPIC 1: So what’s next for the retiring Doug Flutie?
Jimmy Greenfield: Trying to recapture his youth. He’ll soon discover peanut butter and a mousetrap don’t work.
Phillip Thompson: Those 5,000 leftover boxes of Flutie Flakes aren’t going to eat themselves.
Leo Ebersole: Redskins sign him to a six-year, $65 million deal. You know, in case Mark Brunell breaks down.
Bag Boy: He opens a shelter for wayward drop kickers.
STICK FIGURE: I heard a new song that’s gonna be all the rage. “Peanut butter jelly time …”
TOPIC 2: Why did San Jose Sharks hockey fans boo the Canadian national anthem?
Jimmy Greenfield: Because it was not being sung by that delightful songbird Anne Murray.
Phillip Thompson: Don’t know. If there’s one country you don’t want to offend, it’s whatstheirname.
Leo Ebersole: Because they were expecting to hear Alanis Morissette’s “One Hand in My Pocket.”
Bag Boy: Booing is the new cheering.
I read that in Leo’s copy of Cosmopolitan.
STICK FIGURE: “… peanut butter jelly time …”
TOPIC 3: Mike Tyson apparently wants to sing for an Irish pop group. Your thoughts?
Jimmy Greenfield: He’s a black kid from the ghetto, right? That’s exactly how Bono started.
Phillip Thompson: Mike, eating Lucky Charms doesn’t make you Irish. Nor does eating the leprechauns’ children.
Leo Ebersole: It’s his way of biting off our ears without ever having to meet us individually.
Bag Boy: Watching his descent into madness is really, really sad. Also, I would pay to see that.
STICK FIGURE: “… peanut butter jelly …”
TOPIC 4: There is a 6-foot-10 14-year-old hoops player in Wisconsin. Predict his future.
Jimmy Greenfield: Retires at 16 after it’s discovered he had 2-foot blocks of cheese installed in his shoes.
Phillip Thompson: He’ll be the tallest person ever to see Aaron Carter in concert. But not the oldest, right Jimmy?
Leo Ebersole: He leaves Wisconsin for the lure of Duke, “the lure” being a wheel of cheese Coach K ties to his car.
Bag Boy: It’s too early to tell, but one thing is for certain: He’ll be dunking on Tyson Chandler.
STICK FIGURE: “… peanut butter jelly …”
TOPIC 5: Describe Mayor Daley’s level of obsession with a possible 2016 Olympic bid.
Jimmy Greenfield: All his underwear is made of solid gold.
Phillip Thompson: He’s so obsessed, he’s putting all corruption on hold for a month.
Leo Ebersole: He’s fixated on these games like Phil on the latest issue of Modern Bride.
Bag Boy: On par with Phil’s Ryan Seacrest obsession. Sure it’s romantic; I just don’t want to hear about it.
STICK FIGURE: “… peanut butter jelly for me and my cat.” Yay for sandwiches!
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E-mail any of them at redeyesports@tribune.com.
