TODAY’S QUESTIONS
TOPIC 1: What made this Memorial Day weekend memorable for you?
Jimmy Greenfield: I figured out a way to sweat using my neighbor’s pores.
Phillip Thompson: I saw a movie with “X” in the title and Halle Berry. It’s no “Monster’s Ball,” that’s for sure.
Leo Ebersole: Another title for Northwestern women’s lacrosse. Start engraving next year’s trophy now.
Brian Moore: Besides correctly picking the Indy 500 winner in this space, the laughable Cubs losses.
Mr.Rock Scissor-Bottoms: I say, how about that mighty Barry Bonds, eh? He sure is one fine batsmen.
TOPIC 2: Ricky Williams and the Toronto Argonauts will be …
Jimmy Greenfield: … the opening act for Mike and the Mechanics.
Phillip Thompson: … like a philosophical puzzle: If a train wreck happens in Canada, does anybody hear it?
Leo Ebersole: … running on natural grass this season, and I’m not talking about the playing surface.
Brian Moore: … smoking the competition.
Mr.Rock Scissor-Bottoms: … perhaps enjoying some tasty peanut brittle. Yes, yes indeed.
TOPIC 3: What “X-Men” character could most help the Bulls get to the next level?
Jimmy Greenfield: Come on, asking me about “X-Men” is like asking Leo about real women.
Phillip Thompson: Mystique could shape-shift into a real NBA center, like Tyson Chandler in reverse.
Leo Ebersole: Cyclops, for his ability to hit free throws, score in the low post and shoot people with lasers.
Brian Moore: The Changeling, so Tyson Chandler could transform into Shaq.
Mr.Rock Scissor-Bottoms: It’s curious, but you don’t see many people with an X in their last name.
TOPIC 4: Will there be anything different about this Cubs team come August?
Jimmy Greenfield: Dear God, I hope so.
Phillip Thompson: Aramis Ramirez gets replaced by a ostrich. No more getting bonked on the head by pop flys.
Leo Ebersole: Yes. Everyone is healthy, plays hard and hits in the clutch. And flowers will sprout from my rear.
Brian Moore: A lot more losses, a new manager and 17 pitchers on the disabled list.
Mr.Rock Scissor-Bottoms: I’ve been told a fun summer activity is running through a sprinkler. Sounds divine.
TOPIC 5: Finally, any comment on Stick Figure’s suspension for steroids last week?
Jimmy Greenfield: There is no truth to the rumor I spent last week testifying before a grand jury. OK, a little.
Phillip Thompson: Why’d he have to do steroids? Skinny and bubble-headed worked for Lindsay Lohan.
Leo Ebersole: I’m not here to talk about the past.
Brian Moore: Contrary to what one disillusioned reader thinks, I had nothing to do with it. Or did I?
Mr.Rock Scissor-Bottoms: Ah yes–cough, cough–I never met the fellow, but I do believe in second chances.
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