Baldy? Really, Mr. Mayor, is that the best you can do? What about “chrome dome,” which was our favorite in junior high, describing the shiny pate of a band teacher.
Yes, sadly, the political discourse in our great city has stooped to this: Mayor Richard Daley poking fun at a Tribune reporter for his follicular shortcomings.
Daley was tossed a question he didn’t like. He called it “silly,” oh, about a thousand times. And then he tried to change the subject by picking on reporter Matt Walberg, whose head is shaved, with this: “Baldheaded! He’s baldheaded! Is that silly. No. C’mon! … That is the silliest thing I’ve ever heard. Next question.”
We’d venture to guess that thousands of Chicago-area men with retreating hairlines were perturbed by Daley’s outburst. (An unscientific Tribune online poll Thursday found 54 percent believe Daley should apologize to Walberg.)
Daley has his endearing way of utterly mangling the English language, but he usually avoids anything that could be interpreted as a personal insult. Well, not this time.
Would it be unkind to point out that the mayor is not so well-endowed, hair-wise, that he can toss off such rudeness with impunity? He probably knows the anxiety of finding too many hairs on the pillow in the morning, or in the comb, or circling the shower drain … until, well, until there aren’t too many anymore.
There are only a few things the average man can do about this.
He can buy a red sports car.
He can let nature take its course. It’s slow, but depressing. You start to avoid mirrors.
He can fight a desperate battle against nature, with an arsenal of pills, potions, transplants and toupees. This works for some but is often a losing affair, eventually.
Finally, there are those of bold vision who shave their heads and embrace their baldness, like Walberg. And you know what? It looks good. In between media requests, Walberg has fielded quite a few calls from new and ardent admirers since the mayor singled him out.
He’s married. No word yet on his political plans for 2007, though.
