TODAY’S QUESTIONS
TOPIC 1: Predict the best moment of the NBA Finals.
Jimmy Greenfield: In a startling act of honesty, Dirk Nowitzki reveals he’s actually 6-foot-1.
Phillip Thompson: It was touch and go, but Shaq passes a suspiciously Mark Cuban-sized kidney stone.
Leo Ebersole: The moment Shaq picks up DeSagana Diop and puts him away as he would a folding chair.
Whizzer: Dwyane Wade sheds a tear when his coach finally learns to spell his name.
Brian Moore: Win or lose, Shaq finally announces his retirement. I hope.
TOPIC 2: With Albert Pujols on the DL for maybe a month, what does this mean for the Cubs?
Jimmy Greenfield: Cubs management will now start lying about Pujols’ injury.
Phillip Thompson: It means he’s likely to face Cubs pitching at some point during his rehab stint.
Leo Ebersole: That he’s never been a better fit for their team.
Whizzer: More misery when the Cards win anyway. I’m like a Band-Aid, gotta rip it off.
Brian Moore: More hope of catching the Cardinals, making the inevitable collapse even more excruciating.
TOPIC 3: How much time did you spend this weekend thinking about Jim Thome’s groin?
Jimmy Greenfield: Not as much time as I spent worrying about Jim Hendry’s brain.
Phillip Thompson: Better question: How are you going to fix the scarring from the mental image I just got?
Leo Ebersole: No less than Phil spends thinking about mine, and that’s just creepy on so many levels.
Whizzer: Why does “groin” rhyme with “sirloin”? Think about it.
Brian Moore: Apparently not as much as you.
TOPIC 4: What is a more appropriate name for Bears’ summer workouts than “mini-camp”?
Jimmy Greenfield: Rex Grossman’s Pre-Injury Extravaganza!
Phillip Thompson: “Lovie Connection,” where a coach tries to match a healthy QB with a capable receiver.
Leo Ebersole: “Who Wants to Be a No. 2 Receiver?”
Whizzer: The Brian Urlacher-thon. Let’s see that “ursprache” kid try to spell that.
Brian Moore: The Bears’ “This Much Closer to Rex’s Blowout” Practice.
TOPIC 5: Anybody here planning to watch the Chicago Rush in Sunday’s Arena Bowl?
Jimmy Greenfield: Damn, I already have plans that day to have my eardrums de-waxed.
Phillip Thompson: This team beat incredible odds. They’ll have my complete–oooh, “Bring It On” is on cable!
Leo Ebersole: And waste a beautiful day to go outside? Yeah, probably.
Whizzer: I’ll be there in spirit. My body belongs to Rebecca Romijn. Behind the ear, Pepper Dennis.
Brian Moore: No. In fact, no one at all anywhere plans on watching them. At least not on purpose.
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