Professional motocross riders don’t spend days off evading 350-pound sack-hungry NFL defensive lineman, therefore professional quarterbacks should not be riding motorbikes. End of discussion.
2. Play it safe
If you’re in town trying out for the Bulls and you happen to be reading this, please, no motorcycle riding, OK?
3. Bugging out
There is a small pest buzzing its way through Chicago doing its own brand of destruction, and I’m thinking, “Steve Smith, sir, have mercy on us.”
4. The big picture
Many writers called the U.S. loss “the biggest soccer disappointment this nation has ever suffered”–besides, you know, “Kicking & Screaming.”
5. Blank look
France 0, Switzerland 0. No idea why more Americans don’t watch soccer, none whatsoever.
6. Then again …
A 1-0 shutout by Jose Contreras is called “a masterpiece,” and a 6-3 Bears win is a “defensive gem.” You American fans, you’re crazy like that.
7. When
I die …
I’m coming back as a Braziliansoccer fan.
8. Speed dialers
Thanks to a new Motorola device, Wrigley Field’s dugout-to-bullpen phones are now wireless so it won’t be just the fans wasting time on their cell phones.
9. Location, location, location
Courtside seat prices at Lakers games went up from $2,100 to $2,200 apiece. See, I’d think having to sit closer to Ben Affleck would actually drive the price down.
FIVE MORE . . .
. . . rejected communication devices for Wrigley’s bullpens:
– Carrier pigeons
– Semaphore flags
– Two tin cans attached by string
– Have a friend send a note at recess
– Really, really loud shouting
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REDEYESPORTS@TRIBUNE.COM
