The city’s foie gras ban goes into effect Aug. 24. While we abhor city government poking its greasy fingers into our dinner plates, we can’t help but wonder: What else should the city ban? We’ve got a few ideas.
H2-Oh, no you didn’t
Sparking, still or tap? Sure, a big selection of anything’s nice, but we’ve had it with snooty, water-pushing servers who mumble that last option–or forget to mention it entirely. When a 1-liter bottle of Evian can run as much as $10, we think there’s plenty reasons servers might–oops!–forget there’s free stuff on offer. Especially when, according to Joe Catterson, sommelier at internationally renown foodie mecca Alinea, Lake Michigan’s Finest tastes pretty darn good. Before Alinea opened, Catterson ran taste tests and found that some local tap water beat out expensive bottled stuff. Now Alinea serves it standard–with a bit of filtering first.
Don’t get cute
Here’s a recipe we think should be banned: Take one highfalutin ingredient and slap it into a kitsch-y retro food fave. Lately the victim’s been Kobe beef. We’ve seen Kobe Italian beef sandwiches (Extra Virgin). A Kobe corndog (the Super Bowl special at Rockit). Kobe sliders (Kuma’s Corner). OK, we have no argument with Kobe itself, but enough already! Chefs haven’t overplayed an ingredient this much since they discovered truffle oil and poured it on anything that could absorb liquid, from french fries to popcorn.
Malternative beverages
Summer’s here, which makes it more important than ever to keep a watchful eye on the spread of those wine coolers of the beer world: malt beverages. Why? They’re contrary to everything that’s good and right about a Chicago summer. Would you be caught dead sitting in the bleachers at Wrigley with a Smirnoff Twisted V Wild Grape in one hand and a big, juicy Chicago-style brat in the other? Enough said.
Tip-jar abuse
This jar’s crying to be canned. We know Chicago’s a service-industry town. It’s not tipping we’re opposed to, but the collective jump on the tip bandwagon. To qualify as tip-worthy, you should make subminimum wage and perform an actual service. Coat check? Sure. Bathroom attendant? Possibly worth it for that lifesaving breath mint. Starbucks worker with full dental? Not so much. Surly retail clerk at The Alley? Never. Nein. Nada.
Cosmoholics
We get it. You’re young, single, sexy and can afford a $12 drink. But Carrie, Samantha, Miranda and Charlotte hung up their glasses years ago; isn’t it time everyone else did too? And those of us not downing specialty martinis are tired of dodging harried waitresses with trays full of the fragile-looking drinks. While we’re at it, we propose a joint ban on the cosmo, appletini and any long-stemmed sipper containing chocolate. We do, however, reaffirm our support for the martini (no adjective necessary) and its dirtier version. Now that’s drinking.
Don’t show your stripes
Guys, don’t think you’re off the hook. We say give those striped button-downs a rest. It’s time to move on, embrace other forms of starchy cotton and retain some small measure of individuality. While bar uniforms are convenient and easy, they’ve created a universe of well-pressed clones. And while you’re at it, put down the Ketel and Red Bull, close your silver Razr phone and give Elm Street Liquors a night off. And, ladies, don’t get us started on muffin tops or the miniskirt-Ugg boot combo. Ugh.
Overdone steakhouses
New chop shops are cropping up faster around here than mayoral candidates. Chicagoans like their steak: We got it. Now please pass the vegetables. Or cod. Or pork cheeks. Anything but wet-aged beef. The next thing we know, Homaro Cantu will be opening a restaurant devoted to beef and cooking up dishes like freeze-dried Wagyu lollipops and steak tartare tarte tatin. Again, enough. While we’re at it, maybe we could convince the City of Chicago Liquor License Control Commission to stop granting licenses to oxymoronic upscale sports lounges? Just a thought.
FAREWELL TO FOIE GRAS
A Fixture no more
Sign on for this dinner at newbie eatery Fixture, and you’ll dine on a five-course tasting menu while bidding adieu to the controversial culinary delicacy. On the menu: foie gras and mushroom terrine with fried artichokes, organic greens and an ice grape vinaigrette; pan-seared foie gras with a spring rabbit and strawberry ragout; and more. Through June 30. $35. Reservations recommended. 2706 N. Ashland Ave. 773-248-3331.
VOTE NOW
What would you ban? Tell us at metromix.com
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METROMIX@TRIBUNE.COM
