TODAY’S QUESTIONS
TOPIC 1: You just scored a World Cup goal. Describe your own stylized celebration.
Jimmy Greenfield: MEDIC! I NEED A MEDIC! OH, GOD, WHERE IS MY OXYGEN?!
Phillip Thompson: Well, it takes the first 30 seconds to fashion my shorts into a cape, but then …
Leo Ebersole: I drop to the turf, grab my ankle and start crying–no wait, that’s when I want a foul call.
Adam Caldarelli: We probably would be down six goals at the time, so nothing.
Bag Boy: Rip off my clothes, prank call Phil on my cell and eat an entire cheesecake.
TOPIC 2: Why would any fan in the stands set off a flare at a sporting event?
Jimmy Greenfield: Their beer was flat.
Phillip Thompson: Have you ever tried to find a friend at a stadium? Don’t judge me. I mean him.
Leo Ebersole: If it’s at a Cubs game? To be rescued.
Adam Caldarelli: It’s like the Third World equivalent of talking on your cell phone and waving at the camera.
Bag Boy: A flare is overkill. I’d just apologize to those around me and light a match.
TOPIC 3: Could there be another reason Bears DB Nathan Vasher is upset?
Jimmy Greenfield: He just bought a $400,000 motorcycle.
Phillip Thompson: Halle Berry rejected his application to be her “manny.” She’s got no kids, Nate!
Leo Ebersole: He’s mad as hell Texas didn’t make the College World Series, and he’s not gonna take it anymore.
Adam Caldarelli: He’s still upset Lovie never put him on Steve Smith.
Bag Boy: Like me, he had major coin riding on the Saudi’s beating Tunisia. Defense, fellas!
TOPIC 4: Any on-the-field safety tips for Ben Roethlisberger during the 2006 season?
Jimmy Greenfield: Football is dangerous. Wear a helmet. Apply as needed elsewhere.
Phillip Thompson: Ask your broken jaw how it feels about helmets the next time you’re sacked. Oh, wait, it’ll tell you.
Leo Ebersole: Now might be a good time to wear that helmet.
Adam Caldarelli: Son, just make sure you wear your helmet.
Bag Boy: If you see a Chrysler showing blitz, audible and throw to the halfback.
TOPIC 5: Does one-time fan favorite Jeremy Roenick belong back on the Blackhawks?
Jimmy Greenfield: What did Roenick ever do to deserve such punishment?
Phillip Thompson: His career is in a tailspin, so definitely.
Leo Ebersole: I dunno. Who cares what we fans think anyway, right Jeremy?
Adam Caldarelli: Sure, if it was 1996.
Bag Boy: No, I actually believe he still has a few more NHL season left in the tank.
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