In relationships, when a guy says, “I need space,” that can mark the beginning of the end.
But when Al Parks told his wife, Marcia, he needed space inside their ranch-style home to unwind and take full advantage of his hobby–collecting tropical fish–it was the start of something beautiful: A 16-foot-long, 26-inch-deep saltwater aquarium custom-built into a wall of oak cabinets.
“If I’m reading and sitting back, I look up and [the fish] keep me in that relaxed mode,” said Parks, 50, of St. Louis. Three separate fish tanks are installed side-by-side in his newly renovated rec room and hold a total of 425 gallons of water.
“The tanks are high maintenance,” he said, “but a man sitting back and relaxing in his home, you can’t put a price tag on that.”
Men have long valued puttering in their own spaces. But Parks is among the growing ranks of men who are unwilling to settle for the dark basement corners and drafty garage hideaways. Thanks to a trend toward larger homes and a move away from the workaholic mind-set, a new generation of men are incorporating their hobbies and interests–from collecting sports memorabilia to wine to woodworking–into hipper, more elaborate spaces in which to let loose.
“The home has been a woman’s domain. Men would go away to hang out with the guys,” said Sam Martin, an Austin, Texas-based writer who interviewed men about their personal havens for his new book “Manspace: A Primal Guide to Marking Your Territory” (Taunton, $24.95), due out in the fall. “Now they’re doing it at home.”
Joe Gannotti’s 4,000-square-foot basement is so chock-full of what men desire, he might have a hard time getting his friends to leave.
Gannotti, 63, of Lake Forest, a cigar and wine aficionado, has a 10-by-12-foot cigar room, complete with velvet and leather chairs and a humidor to clear the air. The space opens into a wine cellar he designed himself. His gaming, or “leisure room,” as he calls it, rivals the arcade Dave & Buster’s, with two pinball machines, a slot machine, a pool table, a shuffle board/card table, a popcorn maker and a restaurant-sized beer cooler. Here is also where Gannotti displays his prized sports memorabilia, including autographed pictures of legendary athletes like Jack Dempsey, Babe Ruth and Walter Payton.
Gannotti, who retired in 1999, said he and his wife, Joanne, had always wanted to design their own home, which was finished in December 2000. They set the ground rules early: “The main floor is her domain,” he said, “and downstairs is where I hang out.”
Marcia Parks had no misgivings about letting her husband, Al, whom she describes as a fashion-conscious and meticulous man, renovate their basement as he pleased. Other than the cabinets and aquarium, he did all the work himself, including construction of a 9-foot-long marble- and leather-encased bar. He even created original artwork, including a 4-foot wall hanging featuring the silhouette of a man wearing a tuxedo that matches the window valances and draperies.
“It feels like my space as well,” said Marcia Parks. “I’m just as comfortable down there as he is.”
Whether wives or girlfriends steer clear of their man’s space or relax alongside him isn’t important, said Ben White, vice president of Benvenuti and Stein, an Evanston-based design-build firm that has done several “man-centric” rooms for clients. What matters, he said, is that a woman is willing to relinquish a room where her man can work, play, smoke cigars, display his “stuff” or just putter around, if he wants.
“It’s important, if men and women are going to cohabit the planet, that women understand that men need their space,” White said. “Men have come to understand that women need to create a domestic environment that they’re proud of and they can enjoy, but it’s not necessarily the environment a man would create for himself.”
That goes both ways. While researching his book, Martin said he met a couple at odds over his penchant for fishing lures, which he displayed all over the house.
“His wife said, `No more.’ So he took a spare bedroom to display the lures, and it’s an incredible space now.”
Like women, men want their homes to reflect the image they are trying to portray to the world, a trend that White says was sparked by the fitness craze of the 1980s.
“The people who spend money on these things today started to take better care of themselves. It’s important to represent themselves in a certain way,” White said. He also believes these lifestyle changes have led to more luxurious kitchens, patios and spa-like bathrooms. “It’s done a lot to change the domestic scene.”
Technology has helped, too, from golf simulators that allow men to play a virtual round at home to air filtration systems that extinguish disputes over cigar smoke.
“I don’t consider a smoking room or a wine cellar quirky anymore,” said White, who had a garden room built adjacent to his garage that he retreats to when he wants to smoke a cigar or listen to a hockey game. “It’s about men’s desire to enjoy themselves and not work themselves to death.”
Although men still are largely relegated to basements and garages, these spaces aren’t the caves they once were. John Carothers, 60, of Glencoe, used to compare the basement wood shop where he made dollhouses, rockets and other wooden toys for his now-adult children to the black hole of Calcutta, an infamous jail. “Only, my walls were white,” he said.
When he and his wife, Leslie, rebuilt their home in 2002 after the old one burned down two years earlier, Carothers created the workroom of his dreams: A 15-by-25-foot space with a 4-by-10-foot workbench that is adjacent to a wine cellar he built himself. His wife rarely ventures in, he said.
“When we were childless in the old house, and somebody would say, `God, that’s such a big house for the two of you,’ she’d say, `It’s only crowded when John’s at home,'” Carothers said. “She likes the fact that I have a space to disappear to.”
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Need some space?
Author Sam Martin shares a few of the tactics men have used to get some space:
The non-hostile takeover: “One guy just started putting his stuff in the room without talking to [his wife] about it. Two weeks later, the wife put it together: `There’s nothing of mine in here.'” (Note: Works only when moving into a new home.)
The money angle: “Tell her, `I need my own space to make a little extra money.’ That appeals to both members of the family.”
The “gotta put it somewhere” strategy: A tactic often used by collectors, “you overwhelm them with your stuff, so they’re forced to cede the space to you.”
The best way: Say, “Look, I’ve been thinking about having a space of my own. It’s really important.”
–T. Shawn Taylor
