What does it take to be a closer? The ability to get three outs before the tying run crosses the plate. I don’t look too much more in depth than that.
I don’t know about crazy. I’d say we’re quirky. Everybody’s got a little something. Some guys have tons of tattoos. What am I? I’m always joking around.
I did stand-up comedy before at the Comedy Connection in Boston. It was some stuff I’d worked on. My dad comes in for Father’s Day every year and we’d go to the comedy clubs together, so I thought it would be a cool little present for him. I asked the manager if I could go up on stage, and he said, “No problem.”
It’s R-rated.
I’ll take the ninth inning. I talked to Jeff Garlin (1) about it. He said, “If you bomb at a comedy club in Paducah, Ky., the next day it’s cool. I can go to another place and do a good show. But if you bomb at Wrigley Field, everybody in the world knows that you blew the save.”
Chris Rock. He speaks the truth. If you ever really listen to his act, he doesn’t make anything up. Every single bit of information he talks about is completely real–the way people think, the way the world is.
I started doing magic in 1997. I used to be really heavy into it. Like, literally for about five years, I got very good at magic. Sleight-of-hand, prop tricks. I think with a lot of magic, you can know how to do a trick, but it’s how you deliver it. I enjoyed it. I do it for groups of people, I do it in schools, I do it wherever. But having surgery and rehabbing, I just got away from it. I didn’t have time. My little magic trunk’s at home with my parents.
My mom didn’t work a lot. She used to be a nanny and do housekeeping. My dad has been a volunteer fire chief for years. He worked at Gibson’s Building Supplies for years in my hometown (2). Then he finally got a job at a big paper mill up there. He’s kind of a jack-of-all-trades there.
I think they allowed me to be myself. They never put pressure on me to be a baseball player, yet they supported me 100 percent. They allowed me to create my own path in life, but at the same time they instilled morals and guidelines in me that allowed me to be a good person.
The best part of fatherhood is being able to teach your kid, especially your son, everything that your dad taught you or instilled in you. It’s kind of an exciting thing–taking him to his first baseball games, his first hockey games, teaching him how to ride a bike, tie his shoelaces.
I love hockey, but I kind of skated like Happy Gilmore, so my chances of making it weren’t very good.
My favorite is Mario Lemieux. Health is obviously an issue, but it would’ve been interesting to see what he might’ve done if he never had back problems or cancer. I had a chance to meet him at the NHL All-Star Game in L.A. We stayed at the same hotel and I had a couple drinks with him.
My first major-league start was in Wrigley Field–June 1, 1998. Gave up the first of 20 home runs that month to Sammy Sosa. I lasted 1 1/3. They scored five runs. I got him back, though. He came up the next time and I punched him out.
My next start was at Yankee Stadium. Not bad: I was 21 years old, playing in Double-A two weeks earlier, then I start at Wrigley Field and Yankee Stadium. Both sold-out crowds.
Going to the All-Star Game in 2000.Just when they introduce you on the field. I always remember watching the All-Star Game back home and they do all the intros and guys tip their caps. It was pretty cool to be able to do that.
I got a Joe DiMaggio autographed baseball. You know what I liked that I thought was pretty cool? I have a Scotty Bowman autographed baseball. Probably the greatest coach in hockey history, and to get a baseball autographed on the sweet spot was pretty neat.
It was pretty exciting to see the way the city reacted (3). I can’t imagine if the Cubs won the World Series. They’d probably have to bring the National Guard in or something. You won’t be able to drive a car within 12 square blocks of here.
I have three more years on my contract here, and I feel if we don’t win the World Series while I’m here, then it’s a disappointment.
(1): A stand-up comedian and regular on “Curb Your Enthusiasm.'”
(2): Gibsons, British Columbia.
(3): When the White Sox won the World Series last year.
