Dear Amy: Can you please tell me what is the protocol when people invite themselves to stay at your house?
We frequently have people from out of town who want to come stay at our house (friends and relatives). We don’t invite these people. Some stay for a week, others for four or five days.
While we enjoy their visit, it breaks us financially for food costs.
What are our responsibilities, and what’s your advice?
— Vexed in Virginia
Dear Vexed: I’m not aware of any protocol dictating how you should behave during what is essentially a home invasion.
Your first duty is to your household, so it’s time to work on avoiding these unwanted visits altogether.
Here’s a script for you.
Invaders: “Hi, Betsy. Doug and I are coming for a week to hike the Blue Ridge Mountains and wade in the clear running streams of your beautiful state. We’d like the three-egg omelet, popovers and blueberry jam for our first morning.”
You: “Unfortunately Stan and I can’t have you stay with us, but there’s a nice bed and breakfast in town. Do you want the phone number? We’d love to see you.”
If there are family members whom you simply can’t refuse (or genuinely want to host), let them know that you can only host them for a limited number of days, and say that you need them to help out by going on a grocery run on the first day of their visit.
Dear Amy: In a recent column regarding graduation announcements and gifts, you stated that you did not feel that a check was an appropriate gift.
I respectfully disagree with you. My son will be graduating from high school this year and going off to college. I hope that he does receive checks, so that he can help pay for all the things he really needs for college, such as a laptop computer, dorm room bedding, towels, textbooks (which can easily cost more than $100 each — even used), and all the toiletries and office supplies that he will need.
My son does not need multiple engraved pens or frames. If people are uncomfortable giving cash, then a gift card to the college bookstore would be welcome. If the student will be commuting to a local school, how about a gas card?
My son knows that any graduation money he receives will be banked to help outfit him for college and provide him with spending money while he’s away from home. Please encourage people to give practical gifts and to ask what might be needed if they are unsure.
— Cathy in Connecticut
Dear Cathy: Thank you for making some very good suggestions for graduates. I especially like the idea of a gas card for commuting students.
Dear Amy: I have to comment on “In Search of a Goddess,” who wants to find a nice, wholesome, model-type blond in L.A. who is not after his money.
My girlfriends and I have done our own research.
I am a very nice, pretty, shapely, single redhead with a six-figure income — and no dates.
My three best friends are blond, a little overweight and are all married housewives.
When we go out, the men look right past me to the blonds.
None of the men we know will explain this other than “all a woman has to do is be blond to be attractive. She can be fat, skinny, old, young, stupid or smart, as long as she is blond.”
This is an actual quote.
I’d love to hear from men out there — what is the deal?
— Redheaded Goddess
Dear Redheaded: Perhaps we non-blonds should thank all of our blond sisters for culling the herd for us.
So gentlemen — what’s the deal?
Dear Amy: Regarding the letters about racial labels that have been running in your column, I remember an incident from years ago when a Chicago friend was about to take a flight back to the States from Europe.
He was asked his nationality and he said, Lithuanian (although he and his parents were born in Chicago, his grandparents were born in Lithuania).
My friend was sent to another passport line for processing foreign citizens. When they discovered that he was really an American, he was sent back.
Only in America are you Irish-American, African-American or Hispanic.
Only in America does anyone care where our ancestors came from.
To the rest of the world, we’re all Americans.
— American
Dear American: I understand people’s desires and rights to self-identify with whatever ethnic group they choose. But in a world where wars are fought over seemingly minute ethnic differences, I agree that we should start to look for what we have in common — not what sets us apart.
———-
Ask Amy appears Mondays through Fridays in Tempo, Saturdays in the Weekend section and Sundays in Q. Send questions via e-mail to askamy@tribune.com or by mail to Ask Amy, Chicago Tribune, TT500, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, IL 60611. Previous columns are available at chicagotribune.com/amy.
