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TOPIC 1: How should U.S. soccer players spend the next four years?
Jimmy Greenfield: Use their heads. Find another sport.
Leo Ebersole: If they play their cards right, they can suit up for the New York Knicks.
Brian Moore: Punishing themselves, day after day, physically, mentally. Or, just forget about it.
Whizzer: Applying for citizenship in Ghana.
This space available: Your answer here …
TOPIC 2: And how shamed must U.S. sports fans feel after the Americans’ ouster?
Jimmy Greenfield: Shhh, don’t tell them.
Leo Ebersole: I’m just sorry there weren’t any Italians around to score goals for us.
Brian Moore: No more shamed than Cubs fans should feel.
Whizzer: Look, we tune into a game show hosted by Howie Mandel. The U.S. is shame-proof.
This space available: Your answer here …
TOPIC 3: Now fired from the Knicks, any ideas on what Larry Brown does next?
Jimmy Greenfield: Undertake the role of Daddy Warbucks in the Broadway revival of “Annie.”
Leo Ebersole: He needs to find a better fit. The And1 streetball team, for example.
Brian Moore: Coaches the U.S. soccer team to glory.
Whizzer: Gets named coach of the U.S. soccer team, then leaves eight months later to coach Togo.
This space available: Your answer here …
TOPIC 4: Got your NBA draft night outfit picked out yet?
Jimmy Greenfield: I’ll be wearing Tyrus Thomas’ pants as a muumuu.
Leo Ebersole: A lavender suit and stiletto heels. That’s the last time I ask Brian to borrow clothes.
Brian Moore: Armani suit, a hip fedora, alligator skin belt, power tie and flip-flops. Hey, they’re comfortable.
Whizzer: A top hat, sneakers and a goldenpalace.com logo. Set your TiVos to “stunned.”
This space available: Your answer here …
TOPIC 5: A study says the earth is getting hotter. Why?
Jimmy Greenfield: Mark Cuban’s a nose-breather.
Leo Ebersole: It’s because of air pollutants, the two big ones being Ozzie Guillen and Jay Mariotti.
Brian Moore: Mark Cuban’s still steamed his Dallas Mavericks couldn’t win the NBA title.
Whizzer: Pull my paw and find out.
This space available: Your answer here …
