TODAY’S QUESTIONS
1. What would happen if the NCAA tourney expanded to 128 teams?
JIMMY: If that happened, then [Insert Northwestern joke here.]
PHIL: Think of all the new teams laying claim to “Cinderella.” Cindy’s rep would be worse than Whizzer’s.
LEO: Lipscomb could make the tourney before Northwestern does. Excuse me. I need some alone time.
BRIAN: Northwestern might — key word: might — make it into the tourney every few years.
BAG BOY: Northwestern could finally make the NIT.
2. Predict one fan’s handwritten sign for Derrek Lee’s first game back home.
JIMMY: “Uh, About That 9-5 record When You Got Hurt…”
PHIL: “Got to HAND it to you, Derrek, you WRIST it all!” OK, that was just thumb.
LEO: “Stay down, D-Lee! Stay down!”
BRIAN: “Why bother?”
BAG BOY: “Welcome back. It’s over.”
3. Who is Jonathan Toews?
JIMMY: He’s the guy who owns the movie chain that misspelled his name.
PHIL: He’s a skinny kid who plays hockey. In other words, Stick Figure.
LEO: Founder and Chief Executive Officer of Toews hardware stores.
BRIAN: The next player for the Blackhawks that we’ll all ignore.
BAG BOY: Manitoba kid, North Dakota star, Blackhawks’ draft pick, future Carolina Hurricane.
4. Three grand slams for Joe Crede in 2006. Explain this amazing feat.
JIMMY: Crede clearly takes Human Grand Slam Hormone.
PHIL: It’s the real foreign substance in baseball: hard work.
LEO: He’s finally learned the strike zone. Or somehow swapped bodies with Scott Rolen – could be either one.
BRIAN: When travelling the Sox eat at Denny’s a lot.
BAG BOY: There is no question it was the early-season team-mandated haircut.
5. What would you do with a piece of Warren Buffett’s (the last name as published has been corrected in this text) fortune?
JIMMY: It’s unfortunate, but by law Larry Brown would be entitled to $40 million.
PHIL: I would man the Cubs outfield with three Black Hawk helicopters. Go ahead, steal second.
LEO: I’d buy Chicago’s pro paintball team and hold practices inside Phil’s living room.
BRIAN: I’d use it to “persuade” Kerry Wood to retire and Ozzie Guillen to think before he speaks.
BAG BOY: Lock up Crede for another 10 years.
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