TODAY’S QUESTIONS
TOPIC 1: You’re a ref, and the world is your soccer pitch. Give one deserving red card.
Jimmy Greenfield: Whoever invented Pringles “Prints” jokes. “It’s food, AND it’s borscht belt comedy.”
Phillip Thompson: A red card for the Pink Line! Seeing it makes me want to chug a bottle of Pepto.
Leo Ebersole: Whizzer, for lunging at the ankles. I need not go into details.
Whizzer: Joan Rivers. It’s time, Joan. It’s time.
Bag Boy: The entire Detroit Tigers’ starting pitching staff. That’s five cards? So sue me.
TOPIC 2: Now you’re an angry baseball manager. Name one of your tantrum moves.
Jimmy Greenfield: I’ll send out Clemenza. He’ll make him an offer he don’t refuse.
Phillip Thompson: After I use the ump’s cap as a Whoopie cushion, I’m Hammer dancing all up in his grill!
Leo Ebersole: Shell a whole bag of sunflower seeds, but only give the umps the shells … non-salted shells.
Whizzer: Forget tantrums. I just kick the home plate ump in his bag of balls.
Bag Boy: It involves bottle rockets, the USC marching band and a rhino.
TOPIC 3: The Western Open becomes the BMW Championship. Give it another name.
Jimmy Greenfield: Midlife Crisis Open.
Phillip Thompson: The WWE Open. Like pro wrestlers don’t already use golf clubs.
Leo Ebersole: Yuppiepalooza.
Whizzer: The Monster Truck & Lingerie Show. Expect a slightly different demo.
Bag Boy: The Western Omelet. And no, I haven’t had lunch yet.
TOPIC 4: Who here needs sensitivity training the most?
Jimmy Greenfield: I do. It’s my dream to one day cry while watching the end of “An Officer and a Gentleman.”
Phillip Thompson: Clearly the man with the bag on his head has some interpersonal issues.
Leo Ebersole: I can’t choose. All four of these guys are pretty well in touch with their feminine side.
Whizzer: What we all need is a group hug. As usual, Phil, keep the hands where we can see them.
Bag Boy: These four mopes here, plus the moron asking the questions. Also, soccer fans who hate me.
TOPIC 5: The Sky tied a WNBA record with a 13th-straight loss. What’s next?
Jimmy Greenfield: They go to prom with the Cubs.
Phillip Thompson: Sign Dennis Rodman. They’d have to bend the gender rules but only a little.
Leo Ebersole: They trade the No. 1 pick in 2007 for Eddy Curry and cash.
Whizzer: I don’t cheer for people to fail, I cheer for them to succeed. So No. 14, here we come!
Bag Boy: At the next game, the first 13 fans to show up get to play in the second half.
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