Quite frankly, Superman just doesn’t interest me.
His main flaws are that kryptonite can kill him and that he has the hots for Lois Lane. There’s not much he can do about kryptonite, but Lois? Dude, you’re Superman. Go find yourself a full-bodied, less-annoying bimbo somewhere.
Director Bryan Singer has put a slight twist on the Superman mythology, painting Superman (Brandon Routh) as more lonely and more angst-ridden. This film twists the plot of the 1978 film with Christopher Reeve by returning Superman to Metropolis after a five-year absence. Lois (Kate Bosworth) is not only engaged, but has a young son, whose paternity might be in question.
Singer’s main contribution to recreating this film series is to compare Superman with Jesus Christ. It’s not like that analogy should be lost on anybody anyway, but Singer apparently wants to become Hollywood’s version of the TV minister Jimmy Swaggart, bringing us a holy savior whether we want one or not.
I say if you want to look for a martyr, look to the supergeniuses at Warner Bros. who dropped more than $200 million to make this movie.
Singer falls prey to a similar problem that plagued the 1978 film: The obvious mismatch between superhero and supervillain. He pits the acting skills of the untested Routh against those of Oscar-winner Kevin Spacey, who plays Lex Luthor. It’s the acting equivalent of “Bambi vs. Godzilla.” Even “Inside the Actors Studio” host James Lipton would have trouble claiming that Routh holds his own.
It’s also really annoying in these superhero movies when the evil genius behaves like an idiot. It isn’t like this whole Superman thing is new to Lex. He knows about kryponite.
Here’s what I’d do if I was Lex: I’d get elves to knit a suit out of kryptonite, and I’d wear it at all times. I’d have the dentist fill my cavities with kryptonite. Oh, and when I have Superman rolling around on the ground powerless, I don’t toss him off a cliff and assume he’ll be out of my hair. I grind him up into superbits and feed him to the fish.
“Superman Returns” is superstupid.
Better than: “Superman” (1978)
Worse than: “Batman Begins”
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