Want to ooze sex appeal? Mystery? Inspire awe just by walking down the street? Communicate without a word that you are not to be messed with?
Get a cape. Seriously.
You can stop laughing now.
Capes have a bad rep, and no wonder. They have been sartorially slandered by foppish Victorians. Liberace. Napoleon. “Nacho Libre.” Every pro wrestler. Bartman. Elvis impersonators. Even Lando Calrissian in the “Star Wars” movies.
With this week’s opening of “Superman Returns,” it’s time to reinforce all that’s good about a cape. And that reinforcement starts with one of fashion’s steadfast rules: You wear the clothes. The clothes shouldn’t wear you.
The successful cape wearer presents himself or herself like a superhero. No one will laugh at the yards of fabric tied smartly at the neck and flowing gracefully behind you.
Whether it be a patent leather rain cape, an ankle-length linen cover-up or a wool capelet, few articles of clothing declare you’re ready for adventure better than a cape. George Washington didn’t wear one while crossing the Delaware merely because it was the warmest thing he could find. He knew it would look good in the painting. Those hobbits could have wrapped up all that ring business in one movie if they’d traveled more lightly. But they wouldn’t have looked nearly as stylish.
Men, capes don’t necessarily call your masculinity into question. Zorro, Elvis, Rhett Butler, Huggy Bear and Mighty Mouse would have forceful responses to that slur.
Also, guys, capes are sanity-savers when it comes to those sticky relationship issues you’d rather not deal with directly. Throw one on, and immediately telegraph to any woman contemplating a future with you that your superhero inner angst won’t let you be with her. Ever. Because you’re way too conflicted.
Capes are coming
Capes are a big trend for fall, according to Elle magazine. Should you be new to capes, some practical do’s and don’t’s will help.
– No hoods; too creepy.
– Capes should never fall below the ankles; tripping bruises the ego as well as the body.
– No yellow capes. There’s a reason Robin will always be a sidekick.
[ST. PETERSBURG TIMES].
