1. Sad scene
Toronto is shutting down “The Lord of the Rings” musical because it wasn’t selling enough tickets. Six thousand orcs immediately filed for bankruptcy protection, and the elves are flooding Keebler with their resumes.
2. Twice honored
JD Power’s latest survey reveals that Porsche drivers are the most satisfied with their cars. Indeed, they’re the most self-satisfied too.
3. Bleh
This just in: Britney Spears’ new magazine cover is the fastest-selling diet aid in America.
4. Flash dance
Whoops–somebody forgot to tell Kelis and Nas they were at the BET Awards, not some “Tacky ’80s Prom.”
5. Pay later
FBI agents reportedly have busted up a pair of movie piracy rings. But really, is it fair to make people pay full price to see “Poseidon”?
6. Crash-proof
Lindsay Lohan will have her car customized on Speed channel’s “Unique Whips.” Given her driving record, the redesign is sure to involve a lot of bubble wrap.
7. High impact
Pamela Anderson’s car will be on the show too. Insert airbag joke here.
8. Cruel intentions
I think the lesson we all learned in the Star Jones Reynolds-Barbara Walters feud is this: Cross Barbara Walters, and you’ll be destwoyed.
9. C’mon, c’mon
OutKast’s Big Boi says “Idlewild” (his movie with Andre 3000) “isn’t your typical musical” … in that he’s been talking about it for three years, and it still hasn’t come out.
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LEBERSOLE@TRIBUNE.COM
