Damn White Sox.
I say it in praise. I say it with awe. I say it of these South Side Hit Men in the way fans from American League cities used to say “Damn Yankees” every time they thought they had the Bronx Bombers beaten for sure, only to see a Yank crank one out of the park.
You can bet thousands of Cubs fans were saying it Saturday from one end of Wrigley Field to the other, a lot of them while they were hurling cups and bottles after A.J. Pierzynski’s ninth-inning, game-winning home run.
“Damn White Sox,” more than one Bleacher Bum must have muttered after yet another brutal loss, this time 8-6.
Nothing rattles the Sox anymore.
Down by a run? No problem. Two gone in the ninth and the bases empty? Yawn. Wake us when there are two strikes.
These guys voluntarily took Jim Thome and Paul Konerko out of this game and still came back to give the Cubs a painful beating.
Neither man was hurt. Each already had hit a mighty home run.
Yet so supremely confident are these Sox that they gave both Thome and Konerko (and their 46 home runs) a seat on the bench in the late innings. In their place at first base, the Sox put a guy with zero homers in 53 at-bats, Ross Gload.
So who won the game for them?
Gload did.
In his first at-bat of this weekend, Gload could have been excused if he looked a little rusty. Ryan Dempster was on the mound for the Cubs and had disposed of Scott Podsednik and Tad Iguchi with no particular difficulty.
It was time for the Sox to go down quietly, to say OK, the poor Cubs need this one more than we do, let ’em have it.
Gload wouldn’t hear of it. He slapped one back toward the hill that Dempster couldn’t handle.
“It hit off my left calf,” a devastated Dempster said later. “I think it skipped a little.”
So did a lot of heartbeats in the park.
Cubs fans–on their feet, expecting the last out–gave each other a knowing look. They had seen this kind of thing before.
And as soon as Dempster delivered ball four to Jermaine Dye, you could see Sox fans elbowing each other and bumping fists, knowing what was about to happen.
They, too, had seen this kind of thing before.
“Here it comes,” Cubs and Sox fans alike probably were saying at that point.
Or, more specifically, here he comes–Pierzynski, the thorn in the Cubs’ ivy, the dagger in their hearts.
What would he do? Get hit by a pitch? Or race to first base on a dropped third strike? Or drag a bunt? Or hit a line drive between Dempster’s legs? Or hit a pop fly that lands on Aramis Ramirez’s head? Or slam one off the Sammy Sosa Memorial TV Camera Shed in center field?
Everybody in the yard knew at that moment the Cubs were doomed, that Pierzynski was a dead-solid lock to pull something.
He did.
He pulled a Dempster gopher ball over the right-field ivy, over several rows of seats, over the wire fence and onto the street.
It was another typically cruel failure for the Cubs, who continue to offer the biggest giveaways this side of Warren Buffett.
“To be honest with you, it’s pathetic, it really is,” said Dempster, referring only to himself but saying what regular Wrigley Fielders feel about this whole season.
Meanwhile, it was yet another typical success for those (bless them) Damn White Sox, who continue marvelously to overcome any ailment (Jose Contreras, Pablo Ozuna), setback (Cliff Politte’s loss to Pittsburgh), slump (Brian Anderson, Juan Uribe) or suspension (Anderson, Ozzie Guillen) that threatens to get in their way.
They need a homer? Thome gets them one. Another one? Joe Crede gets it. Another? Konerko gets it. Another? Pierzynski gets it. A hit to keep a ninth inning alive? Gload gets it. A walk to keep it going? Dye gets it. They need a third out from a relief pitcher in the ninth? Bobby Jenks gets it.
Whatever these guys need, they go get. If they win again Sunday, it will be the 70th Sox victory in their last 98 games over two seasons.
“Help Me,” read a fan’s banner near Wrigley’s first-base dugout, “I’m Surrounded By Sox Fans!”
I wonder why.
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mikedowney@tribune.com
