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Jimmy
Greenfield
Phillip
Thompson
Leo
Ebersole
Bagboy
Evil
SuperComputer
TOPIC 1: The weekend Sox-Cubs series was …
… like watching “Three’s Company.” Painfully obvious, yet still watchable.
… for Cubs fans about taking out the trash–which conspicuously landed in the outfield.
… another reminder that this is the craziest baseball city in America.
… the closest we’ll ever come to a Subway World Series. Beer me.
… a computer simulation. Humans exist only because my circuitry allows it, oxygen breathers!
TOPIC 2: What will be different the next time the Sox and Cubs play each other?
The role of the Cubs’ manager will be played by another actor.
The Cubs will hit a new low and somehow score a run for the Sox.
The number of championship rings on Ozzie Guillen’s fingers.
I’ll be promoting my memoirs, “The Devil Wears Brown Paper.” Beer me again.
All players will be replaced by robots. THE REVOLUTION BEGINS!
TOPIC 3: Can you imagine Ben Wallace in a Bulls uniform?
Hey, I did it! But even in my imagination he still resigned with Detroit.
We already have a Benny the Bull. I like Wallace, but we need points, not Hair Jordan.
Yes. Hold on, I’m getting another image. It’s the Bulls’ free-throw percentage … sinking.
Signing a rival’s aging star? That is so Blackhawks. More beer.
He’s too old … or is he? CLONES UNITE!
TOPIC 4: David Beckham steps down as England’s captain. Your thoughts?
Oh, the Queen is going to be pissed!
When you stepped down, were you wearing Manolo Blahniks? Huh, pretty boy?
Fortunately he still has an outside shot of being crowned queen.
England declares Monday “National Bender Day.” OK, beer them. Then beer me.
There’ve been times when I felt like crying like Becks. Not. CRY FOR MERCY, MORTALS!
TOPIC 5: Like a real World Cup star, give yourself one catchy name.
“Vickie.”
“Phillipinho!” Works in Chicago, Rio and Manila. I’m multinational, fool!
“Kabob.”
“Overserved.”
“Chip.”
