In Hollywood, where marriages are measured in months and assets are measured in millions, a prenuptial agreement often is a no-brainer.
But more and more regular people are signing prenups, too, say divorce lawyers and marriage experts who are seeing an increased interest by couples looking to ensure that their assets are legally protected in case of divorce or even death.
According to a 2006 survey by the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers of its members, 57 percent reported seeing an increase in prenups in the last five years.
In Chicago, divorce lawyers Jennifer Ward and Courtney Revis report their prenup business has doubled in the past year. The attorneys say they’re seeing more young professionals requesting a prenup or asking them to review one, especially during the summer wedding season.
The couples who want them tend to be marrying later and already have significant assets–a condo, savings or retirement accounts, investments–that they want to protect in case of divorce, Ward said. And many have a realistic understanding that many marriages fail, sometimes in a very ugly way, because they’ve seen their parents or friends go through drawn-out divorces.
Chicagoan Felicia Lampkin Jones married her husband 10 years ago without a prenup, but she understands why older couples who have amassed some property or investments would want to make sure they can retain them in a divorce. When asked about prenups by RedEye, Jones, 36, said if she was getting married now that she’d consider one.
“I think it’s a good idea if you’ve got something,” Jones said. “I got married at 26. If I got married at 36, it would be a different story.”
Prenups aren’t unromantic, she says. They’re realistic. Life isn’t a fairy tale, and marriages break up. If people go into a marriage with a home or something else they’ve worked for before getting married, they should be able to keep it if the relationship doesn’t work out.
The message is, “This is my stuff, this is what I acquired before I met you, and I need to protect it,” she said.
Jones thinks more people should get prenups because arguments about money subside when both parties already have a clear idea of what is his, what is hers and what belongs to both of them. Nobody is left guessing where he or she stands financially in the relationship.
“It’s safer for all parties going in,” she said.
Others believe that laying out terms of a divorce doesn’t mix with the idea of marrying for life.
“If you need a prenup, you shouldn’t be getting married,” said Scott Cucci, 32, who is married and lives in New Lenox.
“You’re already planning for your divorce,” said Cucci, who was having lunch downtown last week when asked about the subject by RedEye.
His colleagues sitting with him disagreed.
“It saves you from future problems,” said Marc Allen, 38, who also is married but did not have a prenup. “Whatever you bring in, you take out.”
Sam Matarieh, 38, said prenups offer valuable protection. He is divorced and says he’d probably get a prenup if he were to remarry. He didn’t feel he needed one for his first marriage.
Meg Haycraft, a marriage counselor who runs a couples counseling and education firm with her husband called TWOgether, says marriage has undergone a shift with women being more self-sufficient and couples marrying later. And prenups have undergone a shift, too, she says.
“It’s not as much a statement of [the degree of] marital commitment as it was before,” Haycraft said.
Prenups aren’t necessary for everyone, attorneys say.
People getting married for the first time who don’t have kids, a family business, a trust fund, property or significant savings probably don’t need one, because a court will likely divide the assets they acquire during marriage equally.
“It’s really a question of how much money is involved,” said Larry Kane, a lawyer with the Chicago firm Davis Friedman and a member of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers. “If there’s not a lot of money involved, you don’t need it.”
Kane sees more clients who have been divorced and are remarrying requesting the agreements than couples marrying for the first time. “They don’t have stars in their eyes the same way,” he said.
But getting a prenup is not a universal rule for those who marry more than once–he’s had clients who’ve walked down the aisle a third or fourth time and did it without a premarital agreement.
“Who gets married thinking they’re going to get divorced?” Kane said. “In my experience, love is always blind. Everyone expects everything will work out … sometimes, they really should have one.”
The Equality in Marriage Institute, a New York-based non-profit that provides marriage and divorce advice, gets about 5,000 inquiries about prenups a month, triple the number received in 2003. The organization doesn’t recommend that everyone get a prenup, just that all couples discuss finances and their beliefs about money before they get married, said Courtney Knowles, a spokesman for the group.
“You have to deal with money,” Knowles said. “It can’t be avoided, or it will come back to haunt you.”
What exactly is a prenup?
A prenup, also known as a prenuptial or premarital agreement, is a contract made by a couple before marriage that defines certain aspects of the relationship, usually financial matters in case of death or divorce, according to Equality in Marriage. It sometimes includes whether alimony (and sometimes, how much) will be paid in case of divorce.
Prenups also can include other clauses, such as custody of pets, says Chicago attorney Jennifer Ward. She has seen prenups that include visitation schedules for pets if the couple breaks up. Prenuptial agreements do not cover child custody or support, Ward said.
BY THE NUMBERS
Divorce laws not always clear, survey says
Equality in Marriage, a non-profit that provides information and resources for people getting married or divorced, conducted a nationwide survey in 2004 and 2005 about prenuptial agreements and found that about 65 percent of adults said they would not consider a prenuptial agreement or marital contract. In the 2004 survey, which was more detailed than the 2005 poll, Equality in Marriage found that:
– 70 percent of respondents said they had not researched and did not understand the laws around marriage and divorce in their state.
– 44 percent thought that prenups protect the party with the highest assets. (Ideally, the agreement should reflect decisions made together by the couple and protect both parties, though that doesn’t always happen, says Courtney Knowles of Equality in Marriage.)
– 37 percent thought that prenups protect both parties.
– When asked to rank what couples need to discuss before marriage, communication style came in first. Finances were second, and children came in third.
[ K.M. ]Experts: Do your homework before you sign
Things to keep in mind if you’re thinking about a prenup:
Both parties have to have their own attorney because they are waiving important rights, Chicago attorney Wayne Shapiro says.
Don’t spring the idea of a prenup on someone right before the wedding. Shapiro suggests drawing one up 60 days before the wedding, so you have time to talk over the terms (and whether you want one at all) instead of squeezing it in with the rest of the things that must be done right before the wedding.
Because one party is sometimes more reluctant to sign a prenup than the other, Shapiro, who has a prenup for his second marriage because he has children from his first marriage he wanted to provide for, suggests not discussing it after it’s finalized. “A wise person, after it’s signed, never brings it up again,” Shapiro said.
Laws about marriage and divorce vary from state to state, so know your state’s laws before getting married.
For example, Illinois is an equitable distribution state, which means assets are divided fairly but not necessarily equally. Illinois also has a Uniform Premarital Agreement Act, which encourages the enforcement of premarital agreements and outlines what can be covered in such an agreement.
The act also says that a prenup is not enforceable if it is entered into involuntarily, the parties did not fully disclose their assets and for several other reasons.
To see the act, go to http://www.ilga.gov/legislation/ilcs/ilcs.asp and click on Chapter 750: Families under the Rights and Remedies section. The second act is the uniform premarital act.
The family section of the Illinois General Assembly site also includes the state’s marriage and divorce laws.
For information about prenuptial agreements and how to discuss them, go to www.equalityinmarriage.org.
[ K.M. ]How Hollywood handles it
For Hollywood couples, securing a prenup can be as important as finding the perfect secluded spot for the wedding. Here are some star couples who legally spelled out who gets what if they split and some recently split couples who probably wish they had.
THOSE WHO REPORTEDLY HAVE PRENUPS
– Britney Spears and Kevin Federline (she initially didn’t want to sign one, but her managers and mother intervened), according to reports in People magazine and other media.
– Donald Trump and Melania Trump (right). “She totally understood,” Trump told People magazine.
– Adrianne Curry and Peter Knight. She wasn’t happy about it. “Nothing says I love you like a prenup,” she told the Tribune.
– Catherine Zeta-Jones and Michael Douglas, according to widely published news reports. Those reports say the contract has a penalty if Douglas is unfaithful.
– Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise are rumored to be hammering out one, according to Life & Style magazine. Cruise’s publicist Arnold Robinson declined to comment on a possible prenup to RedEye, but did say in an e-mail, “Life and Style is not a reliable source regarding anything to do with our client.”
Those who didn’t sign prenups, according to news reports:
– Paul McCartney and estranged wife Heather Mills (above)
– Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey
