TODAY’S QUESTIONS
TOPIC 1: Winning the MLB HR Derby means …
Phillip Thompson: … never having to say you’re sorry. And, Sammy Sosa: You. Are. Sorry.
Leo Ebersole: … you join an elite group of trivia-question answers and steroid abusers. Lucky you.
Brian Moore: You’re the best of the second-tier sluggers who decided to participate.
Mike North: Screwing your swing up for the second half and slumping.
Bag Boy: … never having to say, “I love you.” Instead, fans just say it to you.
TOPIC 2: How would you tackle the mountain stages of the Tour de France?
Phillip Thompson: I can’t go into details, but it involves C4 plastic explosive, a goat and Naomi Campbell.
Leo Ebersole: From the passenger seat of a private jet.
Brian Moore: Just like I saw on “MacGyver.” I’ll need a paper clip, dental floss and some marbles.
Mike North: Someday on a trip with my wife Be-Be in a car
Bag Boy: Rickshaw, with Mike North pedaling. Make it snappy, Pappy.
TOPIC 3: Can we get Zinedine Zidane and Marco Materazzi to end this?
Phillip Thompson: Add any more Z’s to their names, and they’ll both fall asleep.
Leo Ebersole: They should shake hands like men, then fall and roll around until a foul is called.
Brian Moore: I’m thinking an arm-wrestling match. Helmets required.
Mike North: Play a game of foosball one on one, then have drinks, then hug it out.
Bag Boy: No, but I can end it by ignoring the whole damn story.
TOPIC 4: Bode Miller signed a 1-game deal with a minor-league baseball team. What’s next?
Phillip Thompson: It won’t be long before the dugout’s converted into a margarita bar.
Leo Ebersole: He challenges a group of fans to a race down the pitcher’s mound and finishes dead last.
Brian Moore: “Penny Beer Night.” First 500 fans in the park get a free shot glass.
Mike North: Being a contributor on Five on Five .
Bag Boy: He hits a double but is tagged out after straddling first base.
TOPIC 5: What yet-to-be-made sports movie do you want to see Will Ferrell in?
Phillip Thompson: “Ice Dancing: The Ballad of Leo Ebersole.”
Leo Ebersole: “Moron: The Ballad of John Rocker.”
Brian Moore: He plays the Mad Russian in “Ice, Ice Curling, Baby.”
Mike North: “Charlotte Nights: The Legend of Boone Logan.”
Bag Boy: “Dr. Strangeglove or: Or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bartman.”
———-
E-mail us at chicagoredeye.com/fiveonfive.
