The ESPY Awards, set to air Sunday on ESPN, celebrate the best and most inspirational athletes of the year.
But it’s also a Hollywood awards show, and those tend to celebrate the best freebie companies choose to give away for publicity.
So let’s take a look at a few items from the actual gift bag ESPN will give the nominees and presenters at this year’s show and see which jock would appreciate it the most.
2006 ESPY Awards
Airs: 8 p.m. Sunday on ESPN (taped Wednesday)
Host: Lance Armstrong
Presenters include: Will Ferrell, Mariah Carey, Carmen Electra and Jimmy Kimmel
Categories of note: Sox manager Ozzie Guillen is up for Best Coach/Manager, Sox are up for Best Team and the Bears’ Nathan Vasher’s 108-yard return is up for Best Play.
More info at espn.go.com/espy2006.
And the gift bag goody goes to …
Swag
Sunglasses by Coach, Fendi and Michael Kors
Athlete
A.J. Pierzynski
White Sox All-Star catcher.
You know, in case he gets punched again.
Swag
Complimentary Lasik vision correction procedure
Athlete
Referee in the World Cup match between the U.S. and Italy.
That’s right, we said it.
Swag
A Gmini camcorder
Athlete
Maria Sharapova Tennis star.
She gets as many endorsements as Anna Kournikova, so she might as well get a jump on that acting career.
Swag
Signature MTV Treatment at The Shave of Beverly Hills
Athlete
Brad Penny L.A. Dodgers pitcher.
We’re thinking the hot towel shave could come in handy.
Swag
Trivial Pursuit Totally ’80s game
Athlete
LeBron James Cavaliers star.
It’ll be sort of like a history lesson for the 21-year-old James.
Swag
Dada Footwear’s MP3 player integrated into your shoe
Athlete
Lance Armstrong.
He’s running in the New York City marathon, and this’ll keep him going.
Swag
Noise-canceling headphones from Bose
Athlete
Terrell Owens Cowboys receiver.
Maybe he’ll stop talking about himself if he can’t hear himself.
Swag
An assortment of Under Armour apparel
Athlete
Dusty Baker Cubs manager.
At this point, the man could use any sort of armor he can get his hands on.
Swag
Gift certificate for the Dirt Devil Reaction Vacuum
Athlete
Martin Brodeur Devils goalie.
The future Hall of Famer appears to have lost a step. Suck it up.
Swag
ZOOM teeth whitening
Athlete
Barbaro Kentucky Derby winner.
No other athlete would benefit more from this. Get well soon, big fella.
Swag
ESPN Golf Schools 3-Club Tour
Athlete
Tiger Woods Pro golfer.
We all have our down years, and a little refresher course might help.
Swag
A season’s pass for four at Six Flags Theme Parks
Athlete
Marco Materazzi, Zinedine Zidane and their significant others.
Oh, they have bumper cars. Oh yes, they do have bumper cars.
Swag
Mitchell & Ness vintage NBA warmup jackets
Athlete
Greg Oden Prep basketball phenom.
Something to wear to next summer’s NBA draft.
Swag
Samsonite Black Label luggage
Athlete
Larry Brown Basketball coach.
What the hell–get him two sets. He loves to travel.
Swag
A Keurig B60 coffee brewer plus a three-month supply of coffee
Athlete
Mark Cuban Mavericks owner.
Cuban doesn’t need caffeine to get pumped up, but just imagine if he did.
Swag
Argyle Spa gift certificate for the “hydrafacial”
Athlete
Bag Boy RedEye’s very own.
For the most stressed-out fan in Chicago, and that’s saying something.
Swag
Two-night stay at the Palms in Las Vegas
Athlete
Paul Shirley Journeyman basketball player/espn.com columnist.
He already writes some of the funniest stuff on the Internet. Why not give him the chance to gather some more material?
Swag
T3 Tourmaline ionic hair dryer for travel
Athlete
Ben Wallace Bulls forward.
Did you know these hair dryers work great for all that extensive playoff travel (wink-wink)?
