Dear Cheryl: I’m a 37-year-old single (never married) mom with an awesome 8-year-old daughter. I own my own home and have a really good job. I haven’t been on a date in 18 months and haven’t been in a serious, long-term relationship in 10 years. (The father of my child was not long-term).
I live my life for my child and my job, that’s it. Is that what I want out of life? No! But, that’s how things have played out. I would like to have a special someone, but I’m OK with the way my life is right now. So what’s my problem?
My daughter and I went to the local fireworks display in 2005. (I live in a small town in northern Illinois.) It was nice. Even nicer was sitting near a handsome man with short brown hair, glasses, mustache, T-shirt and shorts who seemed interested in me. I was about to say hello after the fireworks ended, but a family friend walked up and he disappeared in the crowd.
Fast-forward to July 4, 2006. My daughter and I went to the beach again to watch the fireworks. There he was, standing by himself. This time he had on a T-shirt (Chicago Bulls, I think) and jeans and a baseball cap. He looked right at me! Did he recognize me from last year? We glanced back and forth for at least 10 minutes. I wanted to say hello, but I was busy with my daughter. When I finally got a minute, he was gone! What do I do now? Wait until next year, and hope he’s there again? Forget about him?
–Lightning Does
Strike Twice!
Dear Lightning Does Strike Twice! I’d love to give fate a hand. Does anyone know who this mysterious fireworks-loving guy might be? Write me, and maybe we can give Cupid a nudge.
Dear Cheryl: My former boyfriend moved to my town, and we fell in love again. We’ve been together for two years, and up until a few months ago, I wanted to marry him, although he said he wasn’t ready.
A couple of months ago, I reconnected with a college friend. We’ve hung out a lot, and our friendship has turned into mutual attraction. I love my boyfriend, but now I’m not so sure if we are meant to be. If we were, wouldn’t he have proposed by now?
This new guy makes me happy, and I can see a future with him. But I’m afraid to leave my boyfriend because this might be just another fling. If I leave him for this new guy, and it doesn’t work out, I don’t know if my boyfriend will take me back for a third time. Plus, I know he’d be devastated. I’m his only love. Which guy is right for me?
–Torn Between Two Lovers
Dear Torn Between Two Lovers: Neither. Forget about your boyfriend. If you’re already attracted to someone else, you shouldn’t be thinking about marrying him. (And if you think he’d be devastated now, imagine if you married and divorced him.)
And I don’t trust your feelings for the new guy. You’ve been dating him for only a few months. That’s way too early to tell if the relationship has a future.
Now, here’s a question for you: Why do you want to limit your choices to Boyfriend or New Guy? There are tons of men out there. Some of them might be better for you than either one of them. Relax. Slow down. Your goal shouldn’t be to get married. It should be to marry the right guy. Stay in touch.
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Got a problem? Send it to cheryllavin@aol.com or Cheryl Lavin, Tales From the Front, Chicago Tribune, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, IL 60611. Please include day and evening phone numbers. Letters may be used in whole or in part for any purpose and become the property of the column. Read “Tales From the Front” every Monday, Wednesday and Friday in Tempo.
