TODAY’S QUESTIONS
TOPIC 1: What’s the biggest worry for a celeb when throwing out the first pitch?
Jimmy Greenfield: That fans will be thinking, “Gee, Kathleen Turner looks terrible.”
Leo Ebersole: Remembering to look healthy and signable in case the Cubs’ scouts are watching.
Bag Boy: Not being recognized. Oooooooo …
Mike North: For the Cubs it might mean the teams tries to sign him. And no man wants to pitch for the Cubs.
Meat Loaf: Not getting chewing tobacco on your shoes when you spit before throwing the pitch.
TOPIC 2: Tiger Woods not using his driver in the British Open is like …
Jimmy Greenfield: … Leo going to a brothel without his Viagra.
Leo Ebersole: … Brian Fantana leaving the musk on the shelf.
Bag Boy: … Brian Urlacher playing two-hand touch.
Mike North: … Paris Hilton going to bed alone.
Meat Loaf: … not eating your mother’s home-cooked Thanksgiving dinner.
TOPIC 3: Pin the blame for something ridiculous on the sports media.
Jimmy Greenfield: Finally, it can be told. I stole the fizzy lifting drinks from Willy Wonka.
Leo Ebersole: They’re the ones who came up with the “QB vision” mode in Madden NFL 06. You jackals!
Bag Boy: I don’t wear the bag on my head. The media makes me wear this bag on my head.
Mike North: The Cubs have already made a science of it. Everything is the media’s fault.
Meat Loaf: The sports media is the reason why no one can eat just one potato chip. It’s their fault!
TOPIC 4: Terrell Owens asked, “Why me?” Answer that for him.
Jimmy Greenfield: “Because I’m a jackass.”
Leo Ebersole: Because “Zinedine Zidane” is harder to spell.
Bag Boy: Because if we never said another word about you, you’d complain about that too.
Mike North: He is another in a long line of innocent victims.
Meat Loaf: Because you’re Terrell Owens and you want it to be about you.
TOPIC 5: What is your favorite sports-related song?
Jimmy Greenfield: “The Night Chicago Died.”
Leo Ebersole: The Northwestern fight song. I can fax you the lyrics, Meat Loaf. Just say the word.
Bag Boy: “Two Out of Three Ain’t Bad.”
Mike North: “Take Me Out to the Ball Game,” sung by the great Soprano himself, Mike Ditka.
Meat Loaf: “What a Difference a Day Makes.”
