TODAY’S QUESTIONS
TOPIC 1: If you were the law, what would you indict Barry Bonds for?
Jimmy Greenfield: Suspicion of first-degree jackassery.
Phillip Thompson: You can’t, because he’ll always get out on Bonds! And I can’t believe I just said that.
Leo Ebersole: False advertising–every time he opens his mouth.
Bag Boy: In five years, when he joins the Jose Canseco “My Bad” book tour, I’d say prostitution.
Hinsley Njila: Not head-butting someone to make baseball more exciting. Zidane did it for soccer …
TOPIC 2: What incident will A.J. Pierzynski be involved in next?
Jimmy Greenfield: He’ll “accidentally” elbow his doctor while undergoing Tommy John surgery.
Phillip Thompson: I’m serious now, this man can NEVER go to the Middle East. Not even a fly-by.
Leo Ebersole: Whatever it is, the president is prepared to dispatch Condoleezza Rice.
Bag Boy: Hopefully a hit-and-run. No! No! I mean the base-running kind.
Hinsley Njila: Punching a fan for calling him rich and fat. Like you wouldn’t call him that too.
TOPIC 3: Predict what day the White Sox will catch the Detroit Tigers.
Jimmy Greenfield: Opening Day, 2007.
Phillip Thompson: Better be before Labor Day. No white anything after Labor Day. Sorry, Jimmy.
Leo Ebersole: The day Phil decides to shower … so, around Aug. 25.
Bag Boy: The second-to-last day of the season. Then they’ll fall back again on the last day.
Hinsley Njila: The day after Ozzie’s last sensitivity class. Kenny, make him stop now for Jimmy and Phil.
TOPIC 4: The opposite of Roger Clemens vs. Greg Maddux is …
Jimmy Greenfield: … Adam Greenberg vs. the only major-league pitch he ever saw.
Phillip Thompson: … Greg Maddux vs. a water cooler. Before you die, little one, I shall name you “Coolie.”
Leo Ebersole: … Ashlee Simpson vs. William Hung.
Bag Boy: … paper vs. plastic. Although plastic might put me out of my misery, a.k.a. Hawks season.
Hinsley Njila: Courtney Love and Kate Moss on “Celebrity Death Match.” Yeah I said it….
TOPIC 5: What athletic equipment that you own would you not be allowed to carry on a plane?
Jimmy Greenfield: My Jennie Finch blow-up doll. When fully blown.
Phillip Thompson: My custom-made chicagosports.com bat. Because we frown on shameless plugs.
Leo Ebersole: Babe Ruth’s collection of pornography.
Bag Boy: My Mike Ditka mask. And for the record, I said, “Hi, Jack. Not hijack.”
Hinsley Njila: My electric hot dog cooker. I have to get on ESPN and represent Chicago somehow.
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