TODAY’S QUESTIONS
TOPIC 1: Where will you be when Tiger Woods wins a record 19th major?
Jimmy Greenfield: If I know me, I’ll be on a gorgeous golf course somewhere throwing my driver.
Phillip Thompson: Lurking in the bushes, waiting for my eBay meal ticket to drop into the 18th hole.
Leo Ebersole: Monitoring the action from my hidden cloud city while a cloud-servant freshens up my mojito.
Bag Boy: Kicking myself in the butt for taking Phil Mickelson in the office pool.
Stick Figure: I’m told “It’s raining cats and dogs” is just an expression. I don’t think soooo!
TOPIC 2: If Jake Gyllenhaal plays Lance Armstrong in a movie, who plays Floyd Landis?
Jimmy Greenfield: That kid who plays “E” in “Entourage.” Sheryl Crow can be played by Turtle.
Phillip Thompson: By adding the right makeup and facial hair, his girl Kirsten Dunst. Actually, “as is” will do.
Leo Ebersole: Jamie Foxx. And it’s now a buddy comedy with Owen Wilson as a wisecracking Belgian.
Bag Boy: Any one of the Baldwins, take your pick.
Stick Figure: Bag Boy smells like whiskey.
TOPIC 3: What one thing must fans absolutely pack for Bears training camp?
Jimmy Greenfield: Bond money for your favorite player.
Phillip Thompson: Lovie Smith’s “Texas coachspeak to English Dictionary.”
Leo Ebersole: Blinders, in case they break out those crossing-guard-orange jerseys.
Bag Boy: Extra hamstrings. Trust me, it’s gotta be something in the water.
Stick Figure: My favorite bear is Harry from “Harry and the Hendersons.”
TOPIC 4: OK, so what if the Cubs traded for Alex Rodriguez?
Jimmy Greenfield: He’d flee to Canada as a conscientious objector.
Phillip Thompson: Didn’t the Cubs already get burned by another error-prone Alex? Sure, bring him.
Leo Ebersole: I dunno. They’d have to throw a lot of money at him. And watch him bobble it.
Bag Boy: Don’t tease me. Do not tease me like that.
Stick Figure: Only if New York eats a chunk of salary and picks up any luxury tax. … Whoa, what did I just say?
TOPIC 5: If you were to be indicted, what would you be indicted for?
Jimmy Greenfield: Criminal negligee.
Phillip Thompson: Terrell Owens abuse. And David Terrell abuse. Not a big fan of Terrells.
Leo Ebersole: Failure to report Phil’s crush on Ashlee Simpson.
Bag Boy: The list is long, but let’s start with “A.” Assaulting Jimmy with a sock filled with manure …
Stick Figure: Let’s sing “London Bridge is Falling Down” but use the word “britches” instead of “bridge.”
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