TODAY’S QUESTIONS
TOPIC 1: When you turn the TV on in October, will the Sox be on IT?
Jimmy Greenfield: Yes, because I just preordered the DVD, “What Happened? The Decline of the Sox Empire.”
Phillip Thompson: They’ll squeak in. But some people will think they’re watching the season premiere of “Lost.”
Leo Ebersole: Only if the University of Miami finds a recruiting loophole, and I wouldn’t put it past Coach Coker.
Adam Caldarelli: Yes, the Red Sox, AL East champs.
Bag Boy: Not on mine. There’s a brick, three beer bottles and a tire iron sticking out of it.
TOPIC 2: Does Kirk Hinrich make the final U.S. basketball roster of 12?
Jimmy Greenfield: Only if Dusty Baker is coaching, then he’ll make it a Baker’s dozen.
Phillip Thompson: He’ll eventually get the job. For some reason I expect a lot of “turn over” with this group.
Leo Ebersole: Yes, and not just because his haircut scares opponents.
Adam Caldarelli: Yes, but so does Bruce Bowen, so there you go.
Bag Boy: Hell yes. Don’t underestimate the value of having one NBA guy who will pass.
TOPIC 3: Describe in the kindest terms possible this past Sox-Twins series.
Jimmy Greenfield: Delicious. Did I just say that? I mean, I can’t answer as I’m an objective member of the media.
Phillip Thompson: For the Sox, it’s like Joey Fatone finding out he still scored fewer ‘N Sync chicks than Lance Bass.
Leo Ebersole: Total. Massacre.
Adam Caldarelli: Some of the words Ozzie said to Jon Garland in the dugout the other day would apply.
Bag Boy: In the end, it’s the kind of pain that can still lead to some good. Like, say, a root canal.
TOPIC 4: Just how muggy has it been in Chicago recently?
Jimmy Greenfield: Even my hair is getting frizzy.
Phillip Thompson: It’s steamier than the outtakes of a Nelly video. R.I.P., “BET Uncut.”
Leo Ebersole: Ben Wallace’s afro is the size of Schaumburg. And, yes, I’ve got nothing but Bulls hair jokes.
Adam Caldarelli: This industrial-sized tub of Gold Bond medicated powder I bought Sunday has about had it.
Bag Boy: If I get invited to any kind of open-mic night, I’m showing up in a thong.
TOPIC 5: It’s Open-Mic Night. The floor is yours. Go.
Jimmy Greenfield: “TAKE ME HOOME. COUNTRY ROOOADS. TO THE PLAAAACE. I BELOOOONG!”
Phillip Thompson: Bag Boy’s so dirty, they don’t call him “The Ringmaster” for his boxing abilities.
Leo Ebersole: Not that the Cubs asked, but I wouldn’t trade a copy of “Catwoman” for Bobby Abreu.
Adam Caldarelli: Why is everyone booing?
Bag Boy: You know, these are not as uncomfortable as they look. Stop staring, boys.
