1. Crying shame
The reports are all over the Internet: Tori Spelling will inherit less than $1 million from her father’s estate. Please join me in playing the world’s smallest violin.
2. Who knew?
Prince and his wife are headed for divorce, eliciting a swift reaction from the rest of the nation: “Prince is married?”
3. Ready to rumble
Pro-wrestling entertainers Triple H and Stephanie McMahon just had a baby girl, people.com says. She weighed in at a healthy 43 pounds and immediately challenged Trish Stratus to a steel cage match.
4. Clean TV
It’s funny to read about PBS getting upset over FCC fines for indecency. What does PBS have to worry about, “Documentarians Gone Wild”?
5. Breaking news
Headline: “David Hasselhoff, Pamela Beach finalize divorce; half of Germany mildly intrigued.”
6. Close enough
Nicolas Cage reportedly will play Liberace in a new movie. Granted, it’s not Superman, but at least it’s someone who wore a cape.
7. Perfectly aged
A college professor says he’s invented a sticker that can tell you if fruit is ripe. He knows this because he stuck one on Mick Jagger and it disintegrated.
8. Simply Cyndi
With apologies to Lance Bass, this is still the gayest thing I’ve seen in the past week.
9. Never mind
Every time you look up, Lindsay Lohan is checking into a hospital for exhaustion or dehydration. What is she doing that exhausts her all the time? You know, on second thought, I don’t want the answer to that.
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LEBERSOLE@TRIBUNE.COM
